Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise, correct grammar, and use clear linking to tell the story. Start with a direct topic sentence, then give two specific supporting details (colour and a brief accident) using correct tense and smoother phrasing. Avoid repetition and filler words.

例: Yes, I did. It was a small red bike with training wheels. I remember once I rode too fast and fell into a shallow ditch, but I wasn’t badly hurt and learned to be more careful after that.

提案: Answer directly and expand with one clear reason and a specific example. Use linking words (for example, because, so) and avoid hesitations and repetitions. Provide a brief comparison and a concise personal example.

例: Not very popular, no. Many people prefer motorcycles because they are faster and more convenient for city traffic. For example, my brother didn’t like his bicycle’s speed, so he sold it and bought a motorcycle instead.

× I think it was color red.

✓ I think it was red.

The phrase 'color red' is ungrammatical here. Use the adjective 'red' directly after the linking verb 'was' to describe the bike. Alternatively, you could say 'it was the color red' but the simpler, more natural form is 'it was red.'

× And I remember when I was a child, when I rode that bike, I fell into the in, I fell into a ditch.

✓ And I remember that when I was a child and rode that bike, I fell into a ditch.

The original sentence has redundancy ('when' repeated), an extra word 'in', and awkward clause connections. Use a single subordinating word 'when' or use 'that' + clause. Combine 'when I was a child and rode that bike' or 'when I rode that bike' to avoid repetition and remove the extraneous 'in.' This corrects sentence structure and clarity.

× People here love riding tricycles and motorcycles.

✓ People here love riding tricycles and motorcycles.

This sentence is grammatically correct and requires no change. It correctly uses plural noun forms and the verb 'love' for the plural subject 'people.' It is included to indicate no error under listed categories.

× For example, my brother, he doesn't really like his, uh, his bike.

✓ For example, my brother doesn't really like his bike.

Using both 'my brother' and the pronoun 'he' is redundant. Remove the extra pronoun to make the sentence concise. Also remove the hesitation 'uh' in written form. The possessive 'his bike' correctly refers to the brother's bike.

× So he bought a motorcycle.

✓ So he bought a motorcycle.

This sentence is grammatically correct in past tense and needs no change. It is included to confirm there is no error according to the provided problem types.