Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise, correct grammar, and avoid repetition. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Fix tense and word choice (e.g., use "ride" instead of "drive" for bikes, and avoid repeating "actually").

例: Yes. I got my first bike when I was seven — my father gave it to me for my birthday. At first I couldn't ride it, but my older brother taught me within a few days, and I quickly learned to balance and pedal on my own.

提案: Give a direct opinion, use accurate time references and vocabulary, and provide specific reasons or examples. Avoid unclear phrases (e.g., "ride bats") and excessive repetition of filler words like "actually." Use linking words (e.g., "however", "recently") to show contrast between periods.

例: Yes, bikes were very common in the 1990s, but they became less popular in the early 2000s as cars became cheaper. However, recently there has been a revival: parents often buy small bikes for children as gifts, and cycling clubs and bike lanes in cities have encouraged more people to ride.

× I had myself bike when I was seven years old.

✓ I had my own bike when I was seven years old.

The phrase 'myself bike' is incorrect; 'myself' is a reflexive pronoun and cannot modify a noun. Use the possessive adjective 'my' plus 'own' to emphasize possession: 'my own bike.' This fixes a singular/plural and pronoun misuse.

× It was actually given to me by my dad on my 7th birthday and I actually loved it so much, though I couldn't drive back at that time.

✓ It was actually given to me by my dad on my seventh birthday and I loved it so much, though I couldn't ride it at that time.

Use consistent past tense: 'I actually loved' is fine but 'couldn't drive back at that time' is incorrect word choice; 'drive' is for cars and 'ride' is correct for bikes. Also spell out 'seventh' for formality. Remove redundant 'actually'.

× But my brother decided to teach me and I was able to drive the bike.

✓ But my brother decided to teach me, and I was able to ride the bike.

Maintain correct verb for bicycles: 'ride' not 'drive.' The tense is past and correct; replace 'drive' with 'ride' for accurate verb usage.

× Bikes are actually popular in my country, especially in the 90s, but from the 20s it became very rare.

✓ Bikes were actually very popular in my country, especially in the 1990s, but from the 2000s they became much rarer.

The sentence mixes present tense 'are' with a time reference to the past. Use past tense 'were' for the 1990s. Use '1990s' and '2000s' for decades and pluralize correctly. Also use comparative 'rarer' and 'they' to agree with 'bikes.'

× But nowadays children love to ride bats and their parents like to get it for their kids during their birthdays.

✓ But nowadays children love to ride bikes and their parents like to get them for their kids on their birthdays.

There is a typo: 'bats' should be 'bikes.' Maintain present tense 'love.' Pronoun agreement: 'bikes' is plural so use 'them' not 'it.' Use 'on their birthdays' as the common prepositional phrase.

× It's actually becoming a thing now in the 21st century, which is actually very valid.

✓ It's becoming a trend in the 21st century, which makes sense.

The original is wordy and uses 'actually' twice. 'Becoming a thing' is informal; 'trend' is clearer. 'Valid' is not appropriate here; 'makes sense' or 'is understandable' conveys the intended meaning. Simplify structure and avoid redundancy.