Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be direct and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence that answers the question, then add one brief supporting detail. Avoid grammatical mistakes and redundancy. For example, correct tense and phrasing: 'I got my first bike in fifth grade.' If you want to clarify whether that counts as childhood, add one short sentence: 'I still consider that part of my childhood because I was only about 10 or 11.'

例: I got my first bike in fifth grade. I’d still call that part of my childhood because I was only about ten or eleven, and I remember riding it around my neighborhood every afternoon.

提案: Organize your answer: give a direct opinion, then support it with one or two clear, specific reasons using linking words. Avoid repetition and fix grammar. For example, say: 'No, bikes aren’t very popular in the UAE because of the extremely hot climate, which makes cycling uncomfortable for much of the year.' Then contrast with the current country briefly: 'By contrast, in Egypt the milder mornings make cycling more feasible.'

例: No, bikes aren’t very popular in the UAE because the climate is extremely hot for most of the year, so people avoid cycling. However, in Egypt the mornings are milder, so cycling is more common, especially at parks and along the corniche.

× Well I got my first bike when I was in the 5th grade so I was not a child by them but if you could say so.

✓ Well, I got my first bike when I was in the 5th grade, so I was not a child by then, but you could say that.

The original sentence has a typo and awkward structure. 'by them' is incorrect; the correct word is 'then' (time reference). The clause 'but if you could say so' is informal and awkward in this context; 'but you could say that' is a clearer, grammatical alternative. Add commas to separate clauses for readability. Suggestions: replace 'them' with 'then', use 'you could say that' instead of 'if you could say so', and add commas after introductory 'Well' and before conjunctions to clarify clause boundaries.

× Well I was raised in the UAE which is super hot climate which has a super hot climate.

✓ Well, I was raised in the UAE, which has a very hot climate.

The original repeats 'which is super hot climate which has a super hot climate', causing redundancy and ungrammatical structure. Use the definite article 'the' with 'climate' only when needed; here 'has a very hot climate' is correct. Also remove repetition and use 'very' or 'extremely' rather than repeating the phrase. Add commas to set off the nonrestrictive clause. Suggestions: delete the repeated phrase, use 'which has a very hot climate', and punctuate with commas.

× So no, bikes weren't that popular there because it was no one could ride bikes in the normal mornings.

✓ So no, bikes weren't that popular there because no one could ride them in the mornings.

The original sentence has word-order problems and unnecessary words: 'because it was no one could' is ungrammatical. Use 'because no one could ride them' and 'in the mornings' or 'in the early mornings' rather than 'in the normal mornings'. Also replace 'ride bikes' with pronoun 'them' to avoid repetition. Suggestions: use correct clause order 'because no one could...', remove 'it was', use 'them' for the object, and 'in the mornings' for natural phrasing.

× But here in Egypt the climate isn't so bad.

✓ But here in Egypt the climate isn't so bad.

This sentence is grammatically correct. It matches present-tense reference and needs only a comma after 'But' optionally: 'But, here in Egypt, the climate isn't so bad.' No correction necessary; kept for completeness.