Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and use past simple consistently; reduce hesitations and repetition. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details with linking words. For example, replace fillers (uh, um) and repeated words, and correct verb forms (e.g., “we wanted” not “we want”).

例: No, I didn't have one. However, my uncle owned a bike, so he often gave my siblings and me rides into town or to school when we were young. As a result, I learned basic road sense from an early age.

提案: Improve coherence by using linking words and clearer vocabulary; avoid repetition and grammatical errors. Begin with a direct opinion sentence, then give specific reasons and a brief example. Use plural agreement (bikes are) and correct phrasing (e.g., “when there is heavy traffic” not “when it is when there is traffic”).

例: Yes, I think bikes are very popular in my country. Firstly, they are inexpensive and fuel-efficient, so many people prefer them for short trips; moreover, they can navigate heavy traffic more easily. For example, commuting to work by bike often saves time during rush hour.

× No, I didn't, but my uncle had one so we used to travel in it often.

✓ No, I didn't, but my uncle had one so we used to travel on it often.

The verb phrase 'travel in' is incorrect for bicycles; the correct preposition is 'on'. This is a preposition choice tied to past tense narration. Use 'travel on' for motorcycles, bicycles, and similar vehicles. Also keep past tense 'used to' for habitual past actions.

× Whenever we want to go to town, uh, or, or to go to school, he would drop us in school when, when we were, uh, when we were little.

✓ Whenever we wanted to go to town or to go to school, he would drop us off at school when we were little.

Tense consistency requires past tense 'wanted' to match 'would drop' and 'were'. Prepositions: use 'drop off' (phrasal verb) and 'at school' for destination. Remove filler words and duplicated conjunctions for clarity.

× Yes, bikes are popular in our country because it is the uh, one of one of the easiest, easiest vehicle to reach everywhere and especially when it is when there is traffic, bikes are easier to reach.

✓ Yes, bikes are popular in our country because they are one of the easiest vehicles to use to get everywhere, and especially when there is traffic, bikes can get through more easily.

Use plural pronoun 'they' to agree with plural 'bikes' (subject-verb agreement). 'One of the easiest' requires plural noun 'vehicles'. 'To reach everywhere' is unnatural; use 'to get everywhere' or 'to reach places'. For traffic context, 'get through' or 'can get through more easily' is clearer. Remove repeated words and fillers.

× For example, we're going to a job.

✓ For example, when we are going to work,

The original sentence 'we're going to a job' is awkward and incorrect collocation. Use 'going to work' or 'going to a job' needs context; present continuous 'we're going' can be kept but 'to a job' is unnatural. 'When we are going to work' fits general statement about commuting. Ensure tense matches general present fact about commuting.