Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and directly answer first, then give one or two specific supporting details. Avoid repetition and long, emotional descriptions that stray from the question. Use a linking phrase to connect the reason to the main answer (e.g., "because" or "so"). Keep the response under five sentences.

例: No, I didn't have a bike as a child. My father offered to buy me one for my birthday, but I asked for soft toys instead because I preferred hugging them and they made me feel comforted.

提案: Start with a clear topic sentence, then give a specific reason and one brief example or comparison. Remove fillers and repeated phrases. Use a linking word (e.g., "because", "for example") to make your explanation coherent and concise.

例: Yes, bikes are very popular in my country because they are affordable and practical. For example, many people use bicycles to commute short distances in crowded cities instead of cars or buses.

× No, I didn't own a bike in my childhood.

✓ No, I didn't have a bike when I was a child.

Use of 'own' is grammatically possible but unnatural in this context; 'have' is the common verb used for possessing something during a period of life. Also 'in my childhood' is less natural than 'when I was a child'. Keep past simple tense 'didn't have' to match the question about the past.

× My father asked me on my birthday whether I wanted a bike as a present, but I declined and instead I asked for soft toys, as I love soft toys very much.

✓ My father asked me on my birthday whether I wanted a bike as a present, but I declined and instead asked for soft toys because I love them very much.

Sentence is repetitive and slightly awkward. Removing the second subject 'I' after 'instead' makes the sentence more natural. Replace 'as' with 'because' for clearer cause, and replace 'soft toys' with pronoun 'them' to avoid repetition. Tense and agreement remain past simple.

× I can hug them and it gives so much warmth.

✓ I could hug them and they gave me so much warmth.

Shift to past perspective to match surrounding past narration: use 'could' (past ability) and plural pronoun 'they' to agree with 'them'. 'It gives' is present singular and mismatches subject and tense; 'they gave me' correctly matches plural and past.

× It feels like you are hugging a real person.

✓ They felt like I was hugging a real person.

Maintain past tense and first-person perspective: change 'feels' to 'felt' and 'you are hugging' to 'I was hugging'. Also change subject to 'they' to refer back to soft toys.

× Yes, in comparison to other countries, my country, in my country, I can see bikes very often.

✓ Yes, compared with other countries, I see bikes very often in my country.

Remove redundant phrases 'my country, in my country' and prefer 'compared with' or 'compared to'. Change 'can see' to simple present 'see' for general truth/habit. Keep sentence concise and natural.

× People use bikes as a most common way of transport rather than, uh, rather than taking rather than using cars or umm, buses.

✓ People use bikes as the most common means of transport rather than using cars or buses.

Use definite article 'the' with 'most common'. Replace 'way of transport' with 'means of transport' (more natural). Remove filler words and duplicate 'rather than'. Use parallel gerund form 'using' for both alternatives. This corrects article choice and improves parallel structure.