Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct verb tenses; start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid repetition and use natural phrasing (e.g., 'one' instead of '1'). Correct modal/tense issues: use past tense ('would make me feel', 'hoped my parents would buy one').

例: No, I didn't have a bike as a child. However, I always wanted to learn to ride because I thought it would make me more confident and independent. For example, I often watched other children cycling in the neighborhood, and I hoped my parents would buy one for me.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence, then support with specific, coherent reasons using linking words. Improve grammar and word choice (e.g., 'ride bicycles', 'in areas with less traffic', 'good for fitness' instead of 'improve our metabolism'). Keep to 2–3 sentences total and avoid redundancy.

例: Yes, bikes are very popular in my country. For instance, many people ride bicycles in parks and in areas with less traffic because cycling is an affordable way to commute and a good form of exercise, which helps improve fitness and overall health.

× No, I didn't have a bike when I was a child but I always wanted to learn because it will make me feel more confident, independent.

✓ No, I didn't have a bike when I was a child, but I always wanted to learn because it would have made me feel more confident and independent.

The sentence mixes past time with a present-future modal 'will'. When talking about a past desire and its hypothetical effect, use the past conditional/modal 'would' (or 'would have' for a counterfactual past) to maintain tense consistency. Also add 'and' between adjectives and a comma before 'but'. Suggestion: keep modals consistent with the past timeframe (would/would have) and add proper punctuation.

× So I used to watch other kids riding bike and I always hoped my parents to buy 1 for me.

✓ So I used to watch other kids riding bikes, and I always hoped my parents would buy one for me.

Two issues: 'riding bike' needs plural or article: 'riding bikes' or 'riding a bike'. The structure 'hoped my parents to buy' is incorrect in English; verbs like 'hope' are followed by a clause with 'would' for wishes about others' actions in the past/future (I hoped my parents would buy...). Also use the word 'one' instead of the numeral '1', and add a comma before 'and'.

× We can see people riding bike in the park, on the road and everywhere where the vehicles are less.

✓ We can see people riding bikes in the park, on the road, and everywhere there are fewer vehicles.

Use plural 'bikes' when speaking generally. The phrase 'everywhere where the vehicles are less' is ungrammatical: use 'everywhere there are fewer vehicles' because 'fewer' is used with countable nouns (vehicles). Also add commas for clarity.

× Riding bike has become a trend as it helps us to build a healthy lifestyle and physically and it will also improve our metabolism.

✓ Riding bikes has become a trend as it helps us build a healthy lifestyle and improve our physical fitness; it also improves our metabolism.

Use plural 'bikes' for general statements. The sequence 'helps us to build a healthy lifestyle and physically' is awkward: pair verbs and objects correctly ('helps us build a healthy lifestyle and improve our physical fitness'). Tense consistency: avoid mixing present simple ('helps') with 'will also improve' when discussing general truths; use present simple for both ('also improves'). Remove unnecessary 'to' after 'helps'.