Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Improve clarity, grammar and coherence. Start with a clear topic sentence, correct tense and pronouns, avoid redundancy, and limit to up to 5 sentences. Add one or two specific supporting details and a linking word for coherence. For example, correct tense (past), replace vague phrase “we sorted” with a clear outcome (e.g., it broke or I sold it), and combine short repetitive sentences.

例: Yes, I had a bike when I was a child — it was bright yellow and my favorite toy. I loved practicing tricks on it, such as wheelies and small jumps in the park. However, when I grew older the bike became too small and I eventually sold it. Overall, those years taught me a lot about balance and confidence.

提案: Work on fluency and sentence structure. Give a clear direct answer first, then add specific supporting details using linking words. Remove fillers (uh, umm) and correct grammar (subject-verb order). Provide one or two concrete examples or reasons why bikes are popular (e.g., parks, short commutes, low cost).

例: Yes, I think bikes are very popular in my country. For example, many children ride bikes to school and families often cycle together in public parks on weekends. In addition, bikes are a cheap and convenient way to travel short distances, which makes them common in both cities and towns.

× Of course I had a bike when I was a child, I had a yellow one.

✓ Of course I had a bike when I was a child; it was a yellow one.

Run-on sentence and awkward pronoun reference. The sentence uses past tense correctly but combining two independent clauses with a comma creates a comma splice. Use a semicolon or separate into two sentences and replace 'I had a yellow one' with a clearer pronoun 'it was a yellow one.' This keeps past tense consistent and improves clarity.

× I really love this bike.

✓ I really loved that bike.

Tense and demonstrative mismatch: the context is past (childhood), so present tense 'love' and deictic 'this' are inappropriate. Use past tense 'loved' and 'that' to refer to a bike from the past. This matches the time frame and improves cohesion.

× I did a lot of different tricks in this bike.

✓ I did a lot of different tricks on that bike.

'In' is the wrong preposition for performing tricks with a bicycle; use 'on.' Also change 'this' to 'that' and keep past tense 'did' to match the past context. 'On that bike' is the correct collocation.

× However, when I get older we sorted.

✓ However, when I got older, we sold it.

Verb tense and word choice are incorrect. The clause refers to the past, so 'get' should be 'got.' 'Sorted' is the wrong verb; likely intended 'sold.' Add the object 'it' for clarity and include a comma after the subordinate clause. The corrected sentence uses past simple and correct verb.

× From my point of view, I'm uh, for 100% sure that in my country buys a really popular, you can see every child riding a bike and umm, usually, uh, in the park you definitely see.

✓ From my point of view, I'm 100% sure that bikes are really popular in my country; you can see every child riding a bike, especially in parks.

This original sentence has multiple issues: incorrect word order ('in my country buys a really popular'), missing subject-verb structure, and awkward phrasing. The corrected sentence uses present simple 'are' to state a general fact, correct word order 'bikes are really popular in my country,' and combines observations into clear clauses. Remove filler words and use 'especially in parks' for natural phrasing.