Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and complete your sentences. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid filler sounds (uh) and finish your thought. Add one or two specific details (why it was special, how you used it) and use a linking word if you add more information. Keep it under five sentences.

例: Yes. I had a special blue bike that my parents gave me for my seventh birthday. It had a Pokémon flap on the handlebars, which I loved because I collected Pokémon cards at the time. As a result, I rode it everywhere with my friends after school and on weekends.

提案: Organize and tighten your response. Start with a clear direct answer, then give two specific reasons linked with connector words (because, therefore). Remove hesitations (uh) and redundant phrases. Use specific examples or comparisons to strengthen your point.

例: Yes, bikes are very popular in India, especially in big cities like Mumbai. This is because the city is densely populated and traffic is heavy, so many middle-class people prefer bikes or scooters for quicker, cheaper travel. For example, commuters often choose two-wheelers to navigate narrow streets and avoid long waits in traffic.

× I. So while growing up, I had this one really special bike.

✓ So while growing up I had one really special bike.

The original sentence contains an extraneous 'I.' at the start and an awkward word order ('this one really special bike'). Remove the stray 'I.' and place the determiner before the adjective phrase: 'one really special bike.' Suggestion: avoid stray fragments and keep determiner + adjective + noun order.

× It was a blue colour bike uh which I got for my 7th birthday and it had a Pokémon flap on it and that was really close to me because Pokémon was my.

✓ It was a blue-coloured bike which I got for my seventh birthday, and it had a Pokémon flap on it that was very dear to me because Pokémon was my favourite.

Multiple issues: 'blue colour bike' is incorrect adjective formation — use 'blue-coloured' or 'blue' + noun. Use 'seventh' instead of '7th' in formal speech. Replace 'that was really close to me' with 'that was very dear to me' or 'that I treasured' for idiomatic correctness. The clause 'because Pokémon was my.' is incomplete; finish with a noun like 'favourite' or 'passion'. Suggestions: use hyphenated adjective 'blue-coloured' or simply 'blue bike', write ordinal words in full, and complete dependent clauses.

× I think bikes are very popular in my country, uh, since I live in India, especially in Mumbai, uh, since it's such a densely populated, uh, city people and it has a lot of middle class people, they often tend to use bikes or scooters to travel.

✓ I think bikes are very popular in my country. Since I live in India, especially in Mumbai, which is a densely populated city with many middle-class people, people often tend to use bikes or scooters to travel.

The original sentence has run-on structure and punctuation problems, and an improper relative clause: 'since it's such a densely populated, uh, city people' is ungrammatical. Replace with 'which is a densely populated city with many middle-class people' to correctly modify Mumbai. Also split into clearer sentences or use commas. Suggestions: avoid repeating 'since', use 'which is' to attach descriptive clause, and restructure to prevent run-on sentences.