Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and clear. Start with a direct topic sentence and then give one or two specific supporting details. Avoid unclear phrases like "that's the cost of why" and correct grammar (e.g., say "that's why"). Use linking words to connect ideas.

例: Yes, I had a bike when I was a child. However, I stopped riding it after my mother gave it to my niece, so I no longer had one. I used to ride it to the park and around the neighborhood almost every weekend.

提案: Make the statement more natural and provide a specific reason or example. Use clearer vocabulary (e.g., "older people" not "older ones") and a linking word to expand your point. Keep to two or three sentences maximum.

例: Yes, bikes are quite popular, especially among older people who use them for short journeys and daily exercise. For example, many retirees ride to the market or to a nearby park because it is cheap and healthy.

× Yes, I did have a bike when I was a kid, but then eventually my mom gave it to my niece and that's the cost of why I stopped riding a bike.

✓ Yes, I did have a bike when I was a kid, but eventually my mom gave it to my niece, which is why I stopped riding it.

The phrase 'that's the cost of why' is ungrammatical and awkward; use a relative clause 'which is why' to link the events. Also, avoid repeating 'a bike'—use the pronoun 'it' for clarity and naturalness. Suggestion: replace the incorrect phrase with 'which is why' and use 'it' to refer back to 'bike'. Grammar problem type ID:26

× Yes, actually you can see a lot of older ones who are using bike as a common mode of transportation and they also use it as an exercise.

✓ Yes, actually you can see a lot of older people who use bikes as a common mode of transportation, and they also use them for exercise.

Several issues: 'older ones' is unnatural—use 'older people'. Subject-verb agreement and number: 'who are using bike' is incorrect; use plural 'bikes' and the simple present 'use' for habitual actions. Also 'use it as an exercise' should be 'use them for exercise' (plural pronoun and preposition 'for'). Suggestion: say 'older people who use bikes... and they also use them for exercise.' Grammar problem type ID:27