Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer is clear and relevant but a bit long and contains some redundancy. Try to start with a concise topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Keep the response to no more than five sentences and vary vocabulary (e.g., use 'taken away' once and 'prevented me from riding' for variety).

例: Yes, I had a bike when I was four. I often rode it around the neighborhood with my friends, but after a bad fall that injured my knee, my parents took it away and I wasn't allowed to ride for a while.

提案: The answer addresses the question but is repetitive and slightly vague. Give a clear topic sentence, then support it with specific examples or reasons, using linking words (for example, 'for instance', 'because', 'also'). Try to use a wider range of vocabulary such as 'common', 'primary school children', and 'commute'.

例: Yes, bikes are very popular in my country. For instance, they are common among primary school children—many kids aged four to twelve use bicycles to get to school or to play with friends, and affordable models are widely available.

× Yes, I had a bike when I was four years old and I used to ride it around the neighborhood with my friends until I fell and injured my knee, which resulted in my parents taking it away from me and I couldn't ride it anymore.

✓ Yes, I had a bike when I was four years old, and I used to ride it around the neighborhood with my friends until I fell and injured my knee, which resulted in my parents taking it away from me, so I couldn't ride it anymore.

Multiple tense and clause-connection issues: the sentence mixes past simple and a result clause without proper coordination, causing a run-on. Use commas and a coordinating conjunction (so) to link the result clause clearly. The past tense verbs (had, used to ride, fell, injured, took) are correct, but adding 'so' before 'I couldn't ride it anymore' clarifies cause and effect and improves sentence flow. Suggestion: split into two sentences if necessary for clarity, e.g. 'I fell and injured my knee. My parents took the bike away, so I couldn't ride it anymore.'

× Yes, bikes are popular in my country. They are often bought for younger people, so people from the age of four to the age of 12, that's the age that rides the bike and people use it to go to school to play around it.

✓ Yes, bikes are popular in my country. They are often bought for young people, typically from the ages of four to twelve. Children ride bikes to go to school and to play around the neighborhood.

Several issues: 'younger people' is awkward here; 'young people' or 'children' is better. 'From the age of four to the age of 12' is wordy — use 'from the ages of four to twelve.' 'That's the age that rides the bike' is ungrammatical; use a clear noun subject like 'children.' 'People use it to go to school to play around it' misuses prepositions and pronouns. Use 'ride bikes to go to school and to play around the neighborhood.' Suggestions: simplify phrases, use correct prepositions ('from the ages of'), and ensure subjects match verbs ('children ride').