Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and direct with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid redundancy (e.g., "when I was a child" repeated). Improve vocabulary by using words like "afford" and "wish" more precisely.

例: No, I didn't have a bike as a child because my parents couldn't afford one. However, I really wanted one, especially to ride to my friend's house and around the neighbourhood, but we focused our money on essentials.

提案: Start with a direct topic sentence and reduce filler phrases. Use linking words (for example, "for instance", "in addition") and give one specific example of who uses bikes and why (commuting, cost-saving, traffic). Correct minor errors ("countries" → "country", "driven"→"ridden/used").

例: Yes, bikes are quite popular in my country. For instance, many adults use them to commute to work or to go to the supermarket because cycling is cheaper and faster than driving in congested areas.

× I did not have a bike when I was a child because growing up my parents couldn't afford to get me a bike then, but I would have really loved to own a bike for myself when I was still young as a child.

✓ I did not have a bike when I was a child because, growing up, my parents couldn't afford to buy me one, but I would have really liked to own a bike when I was young.

The sentence contains awkward tense and word choice. 'Would have really loved' is a conditional perfect form that is unnecessary here; 'would have liked' or 'really liked' fits better to express past desire. 'Get me a bike' is colloquial; 'buy me one' is more natural. Remove the redundant phrase 'for myself' and 'as a child' because 'when I was a child' already conveys that meaning. Add commas around the introductory phrase 'growing up' for clarity.

× I think bikes are quite popular in my countries because bikes are also driven by adults.

✓ I think bikes are quite popular in my country because they are also ridden by adults.

'Countries' is incorrect if referring to the speaker's nation; use singular 'country'. Also 'bikes are driven' is unnatural in English; people 'ride' bikes, so use 'ridden' or 'ride'. Replacing the repeated noun with the pronoun 'they' avoids repetition.

× They drive them to work, to the gym, basically to nearby places they are going to, to the supermarket.

✓ They ride them to work, to the gym, and to nearby places such as the supermarket.

'Drive' is inappropriate for bicycles; use 'ride'. The original prepositional phrase 'to nearby places they are going to' is redundant and wordy; simplify to 'nearby places such as the supermarket'. Use 'and' to list items correctly.

× My response to that would be a yes.

✓ My response to that would be 'yes'.

The phrase is awkward; it's clearer to say 'My response would be yes' or place yes in quotes. The original mixes register and is slightly unnatural. The suggested correction is concise and grammatically correct.