Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Reduce hesitations and repetition, begin with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Correct minor grammar (e.g., tense and word repetition). Aim for more natural phrasing and keep to at most 3–4 sentences.

例: No, I didn’t have a bike when I was a child. My mother encouraged me to learn because she thought it would be fun, but I was afraid of falling so I refused. Looking back, I wish I had tried it once.

提案: Start with a direct topic sentence, avoid repetition and filler words, and use linking words to organise points (e.g., "however", "for example"). Provide specific examples or brief reasons to support your view and use more neutral vocabulary when describing social perceptions. Keep answers concise (2–4 sentences).

例: In Egypt, bicycles are generally less popular than in many European countries. For example, most people use cars or public transport for commuting, so bikes are mainly used for leisure in parks. Additionally, some people consider bicycles a low-cost option, which affects their image.

× No, I never had a bike when I was a child.

✓ No, I never had a bike when I was a child.

This sentence is grammatically correct and requires no change. It correctly uses the past simple to describe a childhood state.

× Uh, actually my mother has has always urged me to ride a bike in order to enjoy it, but umm, I was really scared and I never wanted to have a bike.

✓ Uh, actually my mother has always urged me to ride a bike in order to enjoy it, but I was really scared and I never wanted to have one.

Problems: a) Repeated word 'has has' is a typo. b) The phrase 'has always urged' (present perfect) is acceptable if the urging continued into the present; keep it if that is intended. c) 'have a bike' at the end is repetitive; 'have one' is more natural. d) 'I was really scared and I never wanted to have a bike' uses past simple consistently; keeping past simple is fine. Suggestion: remove the duplicate 'has', and replace the second 'have a bike' with 'have one' to avoid repetition and improve fluency.

× I live in Egypt, so no, bikes are not that popular as much as they are popular in Europe for example.

✓ I live in Egypt, so no, bikes are not as popular as they are in Europe, for example.

Problems: incorrect comparative structure 'not that popular as much as' is redundant/wrong. Use the standard comparison 'not as popular as'. Also add 'in' before 'Europe' for clarity. Suggestion: use 'not as...as' for comparisons and place 'for example' at end or set off with commas.

× They are less popular.

✓ They are less popular here.

Alone this sentence is grammatical but lacks clarity—'less popular' compared to what/where. Adding 'here' clarifies the comparison to other places mentioned (Europe). Suggestion: add the comparison reference when short statements follow a comparative.

× However, people in Egypt ride bikes for umm umm for amusement, not for for going to work or going to school.

✓ However, people in Egypt ride bikes for amusement, not for going to work or to school.

Problems: duplicate 'for' and filler 'umm' should be removed. Use parallel structure: 'for going to work or to school' or 'to go to work or school'. Suggestion: remove fillers and duplicates and maintain parallel infinitive/preposition forms.

× Uh. Also bikes in Egypt are associated with low classes like people with low income.

✓ Also, bikes in Egypt are associated with lower social classes and with people who have low incomes.

Problems: 'low classes' is unnatural; use 'lower social classes' or 'lower-income groups'. 'Like people with low income' is not parallel and 'low income' should be plural or hyphenated as 'low-income'. Suggestion: use 'lower social classes' or 'people with low incomes' and maintain parallel structure when linking nouns with 'and'.