Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and clear: start with a direct topic sentence, avoid fillers and repetition, give one clear specific detail (who gave it, when) and a brief supporting sentence about how often you used it. Use correct prepositions and numbers (e.g. “on my 10th birthday”).

例: Yes, I did. My father gave me a bicycle for my 10th birthday, and I rode it every day to visit friends and go to school.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence, then support with two specific reasons using linking words (for example, because, so). Avoid repetition and hesitations; use smoother phrasing and a richer but appropriate vocabulary (e.g. “affordable”, “commute”).

例: Yes, definitely. Many people use bicycles to commute because they are inexpensive and convenient for short distances. For example, workers and students often cycle to save money and avoid traffic.

× Uh, yes, yes, I had the bike when I was a child.

✓ Uh, yes, I had a bike when I was a child.

Use simple past 'had' is correct for a past possession, but article and repetition: 'the bike' implies a specific bike previously mentioned; 'a bike' is more natural here. Also remove repeated 'yes' for fluency. ID:5

× I uh, so actually it, it was the gift from the, my, uh, father onto my 14th, uh, under my 10th birthday.

✓ It was actually a gift from my father on my 14th birthday.

Use preposition 'on' for dates/occasions ('on my 14th birthday'). 'From my father' is correct; 'onto' and 'under' are incorrect here. Remove extra articles and hesitations. Keep past tense 'was' for a past event. ID:11

× And I used to, I used to ride the bike on my, on my daily basis.

✓ I used to ride the bike on a daily basis.

Use the phrase 'on a daily basis' with indefinite article 'a'. 'Used to' correctly indicates past habit. Remove repeated fragments for clarity. ID:11

× Yes, definitely the bikes are very popular in my country as the most of the people are using bikes to uh, to commute to their workplace as uh also also it is the cheapest option uh, to uh uh, the people who can't afford uh, the other other things like a car and.

✓ Yes, bikes are very popular in my country because most people use them to commute to work; they are also the cheapest option for people who cannot afford other things like a car.

Use 'most people' (not 'the most of the people'). Subject-verb agreement: 'most people use' (plural subject takes plural verb). 'Commute to work' is more natural than 'commute to their workplace'. Use 'they are' to refer to bikes. Avoid 'can't' in formal correction; use 'cannot'. Remove repeated words and filler sounds. Maintain present simple for general truth. ID:27