Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Make your answer more concise, fix grammatical errors, and use linking words for clarity. Begin with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details (age, how long, a short reason or memory). Avoid repetition and filler phrases.

例: Yes, I did. My father gave me a bicycle for my ninth birthday, and I rode it regularly for about five years until the tyres wore out. I remember riding to my friend’s house every afternoon, which helped me become more confident on the road.

提案: Answer directly, use linking words to explain reasons and give a specific example or comparison. Remove hesitations and avoid word repetition. Provide a brief prediction or consequence if appropriate.

例: Not really. Most people prefer motorbikes as their main form of transport because they are faster and more convenient in traffic; for example, commuters often use motorbikes to reach work quickly during rush hour.

× I did. My father gave it to me as a birthday present when I was nine years old and I rode the bike for about 5 years since until it the until the tires were worn out.

✓ I did. My father gave it to me as a birthday present when I was nine years old, and I rode the bike for about five years until the tires were worn out.

The sentence mixes past tense with inappropriate time expression 'since' and has redundancy 'the until the'. Use simple past consistently for completed past actions: 'gave' and 'rode' are correct. Remove 'since' because 'for about five years' already indicates duration. Replace numeric '5' with 'five' in formal writing and remove the duplicated words and extra 'the'. Also add a comma before 'and' to join two independent clauses.

× Unfortunately no, because most of the people use motorbikes for their daily travels and that is the, uh, main mode of transportation, even going to, uh, many places.

✓ Unfortunately, no, because most people use motorbikes for their daily travel, and that is the main mode of transportation for many places.

This sentence has filler sounds and awkward phrasing. Remove hesitations 'uh' and the unnecessary definite article 'the' before 'people'. Use 'daily travel' or 'daily trips' instead of 'daily travels'. The phrase 'even going to many places' is awkward; rephrase as 'for many places' or 'for getting to many places'. Also add a comma after 'Unfortunately' and before 'and' to improve clarity.