Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Чётко формулируйте основную мысль, избегайте тавтологии и исправляйте ошибки в словах и грамматике. Дайте одну ясную тему в первом предложении, затем добавьте 1–2 конкретных поддерживающих детали, используя связки (for example, usually, however). Устраните лишние слова и ненужные повторы («have a had», «back bike», «right, but right now»), и исправьте порядок слов («red in colour» → «red»).

例: Yes, I had a bicycle when I was a child. It was a small red bike that I rode almost every evening after school. For example, I used to cycle to the park with my friends until it got dark. However, I don’t ride much now because I prefer other forms of transport.

提案: Отвечайте прямо и логично: начните с короткого общего утверждения, затем приведите 2–3 конкретные причины, используя связки (because, for example, although). Избегайте колебаний («uh», «let's say like») и неправильных конструкций («not usual to see them like in the streets»). Формулируйте фразы проще и точнее: «not many people ride bikes on the streets».

例: No, I don’t think bicycles are very popular in my country. Mainly, people prefer public transport or private cars because cycling infrastructure is limited. For example, there are few bike lanes in cities, so most adults choose buses or cars instead.

× Well yes, I did have a back bike when I was young.

✓ Well yes, I did have a bike when I was young.

The student used 'back bike' which is incorrect; likely meant simply 'bike'. Also 'did have' is acceptable for emphasis but unnecessary; 'I had a bike when I was young' is more natural. Suggestion: Use 'bike' or 'bicycle' and prefer 'I had a bike when I was young.'

× I think everyone has a had a bike in their childhood and my bike was small and it was in red color.

✓ I think everyone had a bike in their childhood, and my bike was small and red.

Errors: extraneous 'has a had a' (tense/word duplication) and awkward 'in red color'. Correct to past simple 'had' and use adjective 'red' directly after noun. Also add comma before coordinating conjunction for clarity. Suggestion: Say 'had a bike' and 'my bike was small and red.'

× I usually used to ride it in the evenings after I came back from school and right, but right now I'm not really into bike.

✓ I usually used to ride it in the evenings after I came back from school, but right now I'm not really into bikes.

Mix of past habitual 'used to' with past simple 'came back' is acceptable, but 'right' repeated is unnecessary. Also 'into bike' is wrong; use plural 'bikes' or 'cycling'. Suggestion: Use 'used to ride it' and 'I'm not really into bikes' or 'I'm not really into cycling.'

× Uh, no, I don't think so. Uh, I think everyone can ride a bike in their childhood, but when they grow up they prefer to use, uh, let's say like public transport or somebody can buy private car for themselves.

✓ No, I don't think so. I think everyone can ride a bike in childhood, but when they grow up they prefer to use public transport or buy a private car.

Issues: unnecessary fillers 'uh' removed; 'in their childhood' can be shortened to 'in childhood' or 'as children'. 'Somebody can buy private car for themselves' is ungrammatical — better 'buy a private car'. Suggestion: Say 'as children' or 'in childhood' and use 'buy a private car'.

× But bikes are not usual to see them like in the streets, like not many people ride bike.

✓ But bikes are not common to see in the streets; not many people ride bikes.

Problems: ungrammatical phrasing 'not usual to see them like in the streets' and missing plural/article 'ride bike'. Use 'common to see in the streets' and plural 'bikes'. Suggestion: Say 'bikes are not common to see in the streets' or 'you don't see many people riding bikes.'