Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Improve grammar, fluency and conciseness. Start with a clear topic sentence, fix article and verb usage, and use one or two supporting details with linking words. Avoid redundancy (e.g., don’t repeat similar ideas like ‘independent’ and ‘could go places on my own’).

例: Yes. My father gave me a bicycle for my birthday when I was about eight. I rode it to school and around the neighborhood, which made me feel more independent and helped me stay active. For example, I could visit friends without needing an adult, and I used to cycle at least three times a week.

× Yes, when I was a child my father gave me bike or for my birthday present.

✓ Yes, when I was a child my father gave me a bike as a birthday present.

The noun 'bike' requires the indefinite article 'a' because it is a singular, countable noun and not previously mentioned. Also 'or for my birthday present' is incorrect phrasing; use 'as a birthday present' to indicate the purpose. Suggestion: always include 'a' or 'the' with singular countable nouns and use 'as a ...' to express that something was given for an occasion.

× I used ride it to school and around the neighborhood and it made me feel independent and healthier because I could go place on my own and I exercised a lot.

✓ I used to ride it to school and around the neighborhood, and it made me feel independent and healthier because I could go places on my own and I exercised a lot.

The correct expression for a past habitual action is 'used to' followed by the base verb, so 'used to ride' is required. 'Go place' is incorrect; the plural 'places' is needed for general locations. Also add a comma before 'and' to separate clauses. Suggestion: use 'used to + base verb' for past habits and ensure countable nouns take correct pluralization when referring to multiple or general items.