Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be direct, concise and coherent. Start with a clear topic sentence (Yes/No), then give one or two specific supporting details. Avoid filler words (uh, well) and repetition. Use correct tense and simpler grammar: say whether you had a bike, who provided it, and a brief reason or memory. Keep it under five sentences.

例: No, I didn't have a bike when I was a young child. My parents bought me one when I was about ten, but I rarely rode it because I was nervous about balancing and preferred walking. I remember practicing in our quiet street with my father guiding me until I felt more confident.

提案: Organize your response: give a clear opinion first, then two specific reasons with linking words. Use accurate vocabulary (e.g., 'popular', 'common', 'congested', 'convenient', 'traffic jams') and correct grammar. Limit to three or four sentences and avoid repeated words.

例: Yes, bikes are very popular in my country. They are common because they are inexpensive and easy to maneuver in congested cities. Also, many people use bikes to avoid traffic jams and to save on fuel costs.

× Well, when I was a child, I did not remember it, uh, quite easily because, uh, I don't have that much sharp memory to remember this.

✓ Well, when I was a child, I did not remember it very clearly because I did not have a very good memory for this.

The sentence mixes past and present tense ('did not remember' with 'I don't have'). Use past tense consistently when referring to childhood. Also 'quite easily' is awkward; 'very clearly' is more natural. Suggestion: keep verbs in the same time frame and choose adverbs that match meaning.

× Uh, but no, but I want to tell that, uh, my parents, uh, usually give me bike because I did not, uh, I am not that well driver, so I did not know.

✓ No, but I want to say that my parents usually gave me a bike, but I was not a very good rider, so I could not ride it well.

Multiple issues: inconsistent tense (present 'give' with past context), article omission ('a bike'), incorrect adjective/adverb choice ('that well driver' is incorrect), and awkward structure. Use past tense verbs for past events ('gave'), use 'a bike', and use 'rider' or 'driver' with appropriate modifiers ('not a very good rider'). Also replace 'so I did not know' with 'so I could not ride it well' to convey inability.

× Well, bike place and indispensable role in the part of society in which I live.

✓ Well, bikes play an indispensable role in the part of society where I live.

The original has wrong word choice and order: 'place' should be 'play' and 'bike' should be plural 'bikes'. 'In the part of society in which I live' is wordy; use 'where I live'. Ensure subject-verb agreement and natural word order.

× As most of the transportation was was held by using bikes rather than car.

✓ Most transportation is carried out using bikes rather than cars.

Duplicate 'was was' is an error. Tense should be present when stating a general fact ('is carried out'). Use plural 'cars' and more natural phrasing 'carried out using bikes'. Avoid passive awkwardness by keeping a clear subject and verb.

× Because as India is a congested country and people prefer to travel along with their bike because it is a convenient way which can reduce the conjunctions of interest.

✓ Because India is a congested country, people prefer to travel by bike because it is a convenient way to reduce traffic congestion.

Problems: unnecessary 'as' plus 'because' (redundant conjunctions), wrong preposition 'along with their bike' should be 'by bike', and 'conjunctions of interest' is incorrect phrase; intended meaning is 'traffic congestion'. Also simplify the sentence to avoid repetition. Use 'to reduce traffic congestion' to clarify purpose.