Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and fluent: remove fillers (uh, umm), finish sentences fully, and keep within 3–4 clear sentences. Start with a direct topic sentence, then add a specific supporting detail (age, who taught you, a short memory) using linking words (for example, and, so).

例: Yes, I had a bike as a child. I received it for my second birthday from my parents, and my elder brother taught me how to ride it. I enjoyed cycling around our neighborhood every evening, especially when my brother rode alongside me.

提案: Reduce repetition and correct minor errors (’bites’ → ‘bikes’). Structure the answer: a clear topic sentence, one or two specific supporting reasons, and a brief example. Avoid fillers and repeat words; use linking words like because and for example to make it coherent.

例: Yes, bikes are very popular in my country because many people use them to commute short distances. For example, I often see commuters riding bicycles to work and students cycling to school, as they are inexpensive and convenient.

× Yes, I used to have a bike when I was a child.

✓ Yes, I had a bike when I was a child.

The student's original 'used to have' is not incorrect in meaning but in this context the simple past 'had' is more natural and concise when directly answering the question about possession in childhood. Use 'used to' for habitual actions or states you want to emphasize as no longer true; 'had' is a straightforward past-tense statement. Suggestion: Prefer 'I had a bike when I was a child' for a concise past statement.

× It was uh.

✓ It was a bicycle.

'It was uh.' is an incomplete sentence and unclear. The examiner asked about a bike; the sentence needs an object or description. Complete the thought by stating what 'it' was (for example, 'a bicycle') or combine with the next clause. Suggestion: Replace filler 'uh' with the intended noun or merge with the following sentence: 'It was a bicycle; I remember my second birthday when I received it as a gift.'

× I remember my second birthday when I received it as a gift, uh, from my parents, umm, and my elder brother taught me how to ride it and I vividly remember how I used to enjoy umm, riding it while being with my.

✓ I remember my second birthday when I received it as a gift from my parents, and my elder brother taught me how to ride it. I vividly remember how I enjoyed riding it with him.

The original is long, filled with hesitations, and ends with an incomplete phrase 'being with my.' This creates sentence structure problems and unclear referents. Corrections: remove filler words, split into two sentences for clarity, replace 'used to enjoy' with 'enjoyed' for past habitual action in context, and complete the reference by using 'him' to refer to the brother. Suggestion: Use concise past tense sentences, avoid filler words, and ensure pronouns clearly reference their antecedents.

× Yes. I think bites are really umm, really very popular in my country because people really use them to commute to the nearby places.

✓ Yes. I think bikes are very popular in my country because people use them to commute to nearby places.

'Bites' is a misspelling of 'bikes'. The phrase 'really umm, really very' is redundant and contains fillers. 'Commute to the nearby places' is awkward; 'commute to nearby places' or 'short distances' is clearer. Remove unnecessary adverbs for conciseness. Suggestion: Correct spelling, remove filler words, and streamline adverb use: 'bikes are very popular'.

× I have seen uh many people umm, even going to their workplace uh, by using the bicycles umm, so I, I think they are really very popular.

✓ I have seen many people even going to their workplaces by bicycle, so I think they are very popular.

Problems: filler words, 'their workplace' vs 'their workplaces' (plural agreement with 'many people'), and 'by using the bicycles' is wordy; 'by bicycle' or 'on bicycles' is idiomatic. Also reduce redundant 'really very'. Suggestion: Remove fillers, make plural agreement consistent ('workplaces'), and use idiomatic phrases ('by bicycle' or 'on bicycles').