Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Cải thiện: Giảm tiếng ừ/à (fillers), sửa ngữ pháp và dùng từ đúng (bike thay vì bite). Bắt đầu bằng câu chủ đề rõ ràng, rồi bổ sung 1–2 chi tiết cụ thể (mấy tuổi, ai tặng, cảm xúc). Giữ tối đa 4 câu, dùng liên từ đơn giản như "because" hoặc "and" để nối ý. Ví dụ: 'I got my first bike when I was ten. My parents gave it to me for my birthday, and I remember feeling very excited because I could ride to school with my friends.'

例: I got my first bike when I was ten. My parents gave it to me for my 10th birthday, and I remember feeling very excited. I rode it to school every day after that because it was faster than walking.

提案: Cải thiện: Tránh lặp từ và filler, dùng từ đúng (bike not bite). Sử dụng cấu trúc rõ ràng: nêu ý chính, rồi giải thích với 1–2 lý do cụ thể (chi phí, sức khỏe, giao thông). Hạn chế so sánh thừa như "the most cheapest"; dùng "the cheapest". Dùng liên từ như "because" hoặc "also" để mạch lạc. Ví dụ: 'Yes, bikes are very popular because they are cheap and good exercise.'

例: Yes, bikes are very popular in my country because they are cheap and convenient. Also, many people ride them to stay healthy and avoid traffic, especially in crowded cities.

× Yes, definitely. Umm, as I remember correctly, the first time that I had my first bite was about, umm, 15 years ago when I was a little girl studying at primary school.

✓ Yes, definitely. Umm, as I remember correctly, the first time I had my first bike was about 15 years ago when I was a little girl studying at primary school.

The sentence uses past tense but contains redundancy and a wrong word: 'bite' should be 'bike'. Also 'the first time that I had my first bike' is repetitive. Remove 'that' and one 'first' to make it concise: 'the first time I had my first bike' -> 'the first time I had a bike' or keep 'my first bike'. Use consistent past tense 'had'. Suggestion: 'the first time I had a bike was about 15 years ago.'

× Umm, you know, at that time on my umm, 10th birthday, my uh.

✓ Umm, you know, at that time on my 10th birthday, I received a bike.

The original fragment is incomplete and lacks a main verb and object, resulting in a sentence without a verb and unclear meaning. Complete the sentence by adding the subject and verb: 'I received a bike.' This fits the past tense and context. Suggestion: always finish the thought by including who did what.

× Yeah, definitely. Uh, from my perspective, I believe that bites are the most, umm, you know, cheap, uh, the most cheapest, umm, means of transportation for most of people.

✓ Yeah, definitely. Uh, from my perspective, I believe that bikes are the cheapest means of transportation for most people.

'Bites' is a typo for 'bikes'. The phrase contains double superlative 'the most cheapest' which is incorrect; use either 'cheapest' or 'most cheap' (prefer 'cheapest'). Also 'for most of people' is unidiomatic; use 'for most people'. Remove filler words for clarity. Suggestion: use correct noun and single superlative form.

× In addition, riding a bike allows people to umm, you know, exercise, uh, helping them to keep fit and.

✓ In addition, riding a bike allows people to exercise, helping them to keep fit.

The original ends abruptly and includes unnecessary 'to' before 'keep fit' when using 'helping' as a participle phrase. Correct structure: 'allows people to exercise, helping them keep fit' or 'helping them to keep fit.' Also remove trailing conjunction 'and.' Suggestion: finish the sentence and choose either 'helping them keep fit' or 'helping them to keep fit.'