Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Clarify the timeline and details, use correct verb forms and simpler sentences. Start with a direct topic sentence, then add 1–2 specific supporting details linked logically. Correct common mistakes: say “first bike” not “first buy,” use past tense (“was,” “bought”), and give clear ages and descriptions.

例: Yes. My first bike was red and very small — I got it when I was about six. Later, when I was twenty, my father bought me a mountain bike, and I loved riding it because it was sturdy for rough paths.

提案: Give a direct opinion, then support it with specific reasons using linking words. Use correct nouns and phrases (people, women, men, country is unsuitable, terrain, traffic). Avoid filler words. Provide one or two clear reasons why bikes are or are not popular.

例: Yes, bikes are quite popular among people of all ages. However, they are less common in cities because the roads are busy and the terrain can be hilly, so many people prefer motorbikes or cars for convenience.

× Sure, my first buy is on the maybe six years old.

✓ Sure, my first bike was bought when I was maybe six years old.

The student uses present tense and incorrect word choice ('buy' as noun) when describing a past event. Use past tense 'was bought' and the noun 'bike'. Also 'when I was maybe six years old' is the correct time phrase. Suggestion: use simple past for completed past events and choose correct nouns (bike) and verbs (was bought).

× It's red and very small views and Mexican bite is the mountain bike my father uh buy for me on 20 years old.

✓ It's red and very small. The mountain bike was bought for me by my father when I was 20 years old.

The original contains several issues: 'views' is nonsensical here, 'Mexican bite' is likely mispronounced/mistyped, verb tense and word order are wrong ('my father uh buy' should be past passive or past simple), and time phrase 'on 20 years old' is incorrect. Split into two sentences for clarity. Use past passive 'was bought for me by my father' or active 'my father bought it for me' and correct time expression 'when I was 20 years old.'

× I'm I'm really loved it.

✓ I really loved it.

The student mixes present continuous 'I'm' with past 'loved'. To describe past feelings about a past possession, use simple past 'I loved it.' Remove the extra 'I'm'. Suggestion: match tense to the time reference (past).

× Yes, uh, many people's young, old and woman men within like advice, but my country is not suitable for like a bite because, uh, the lot it really.

✓ Yes, many people, young and old, men and women, like bicycles, but my country is not very suitable for riding because of the terrain.

Original has incorrect pluralization and word order ('people's', 'woman men within'), wrong noun 'advice', and wrong word 'bite' instead of 'bike' or 'biking'. Also phrasing 'the lot it really' is unclear. Correct pronoun and noun forms and use clear term 'bicycles' or 'riding' and provide a reason with 'because of the terrain.' Suggestion: use 'people' (not 'people's'), list groups correctly with commas, and choose appropriate nouns ('bicycles', 'riding').

× So that's half fixed.

✓ So that's partly true.

'Half fixed' is not an appropriate idiom here. The intended meaning is likely 'partly true' or 'to some extent.' Use the correct adverb/adjective combination. Suggestion: use 'partly' or 'to some extent' to express partial agreement.