Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more direct and concise, start with a clear topic sentence saying whether you had a bike, then give one or two specific supporting details. Avoid confusing or irrelevant names (e.g., 'Maria') and correct grammar (use 'two-wheelers' and consistent tense). Use a linking word when adding the additional detail (for example, 'however' or 'but').

例: No, I didn’t own a motorbike as a child. My parents thought two-wheelers were risky, so they discouraged me from having one; however, I often rode bicycles in my neighborhood and really enjoyed cycling with my friends.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence and then provide specific, correctly formed reasons with appropriate vocabulary. Avoid repetitions and incorrect words (e.g., 'budgetly', 'angry'). Use linking phrases like 'because' or 'for example' to connect reasons. Mention one concrete example or statistic if possible.

例: Yes, motorbikes are very popular in India because they are affordable and fuel-efficient. For example, many families choose two-wheelers since they cost less to buy and maintain than cars, and they are convenient for navigating busy city traffic.

× A motorbike was often seen as a risk and two Wheelers or something my parents are really scared of.

✓ A motorbike was often seen as a risk, and my parents were really scared of two-wheelers or something like that.

The original sentence misorders and omits required pronouns and connectors. 'Two Wheelers or something my parents are really scared of' is ungrammatical because the clause lacks a clear subject and correct verb tense. Use 'my parents were really scared of two-wheelers' to provide a subject and past-tense verb matching 'was often seen' earlier. Add a comma and 'or something like that' for the informal phrase.

× But I did happen to ride bicycles which I really enjoyed.

✓ But I did happen to ride bicycles, which I really enjoyed.

This sentence needs a comma before the nonrestrictive relative clause 'which I really enjoyed.' Adding the comma clarifies that the clause comments on the whole preceding clause. Structure is otherwise acceptable.

× Bikes or motorbikes are particularly popular in India.

✓ Bicycles and motorbikes are particularly popular in India.

The original is understandable but stylistically inconsistent: 'Bikes or motorbikes' suggests exclusivity. Use 'bicycles and motorbikes' for clarity. This is a sentence structure/style improvement within allowed types.

× Motorbikes motorbikes which are two Wheeler.

✓ Motorbikes, which are two-wheelers, are common.

The sentence repeats 'motorbikes' and lacks proper punctuation and plural noun formatting. Insert commas for the nonrestrictive clause and hyphenate 'two-wheelers.' Provide a main verb ('are common') to complete the sentence.

× They are budgetly, angry and pocket friendly and within the purchasing power of most Indians.

✓ They are affordable, durable and pocket-friendly, and within the purchasing power of most Indians.

'Budgetly' is not a correct adverb/adjective here and 'angry' is wrong word choice. Use 'affordable' or 'budget-friendly' and 'durable' or another appropriate adjective. Hyphenate 'pocket-friendly.' Keep adjectives in correct form and order. This corrects word choice and adjective usage.

× It is also a convenient way to travel from one place to the other.

✓ It is also a convenient way to travel from one place to another.

The idiomatic preposition in this expression is 'another,' not 'the other.' Use 'from one place to another' to express general travel between locations.