Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Відповідь загалом зрозуміла, але потрібно покращити природність та лаконічність, уникати повторів (наприклад «present» двічі) і непотрібних пауз («Uh»). Слід об’єднати короткі речення в більш зв’язні структури та виправити невеликі помилки в порядку слів («gave it to me»). Додайте одне-два конкретні деталі (наприклад — як ви користувалися велосипедом або де їздили) і не перевищуйте 4-5 речень.

例: Yes, I did. When I was about five my parents gave me a glorious pink bike for my birthday, and I adored riding it around the neighbourhood. I used to practise in the park every afternoon until I outgrew it, so I don't have it anymore.

提案: Відповідь має кілька помилок у словах та конструкціях (наприклад «bags» замість «bikes», «write» замість «ride») та надто багато заповнювачів («uh», «umm»). Також варто зробити відповідь більш структурованою: чіткий вступ, порівняння і приклад. Використовуйте зв’язки («however», «for example») правильно й уникайте надмірної повторюваності («daily, everyday»). Додайте конкретні деталі про те, чому велосипеди популярні (інфраструктура, клімат, культура).

例: Yes, bikes are quite popular in my country, especially among children who ride them for fun. However, since I now live in Italy I've noticed people use bicycles much more for daily transport because of good bike lanes and shorter distances in cities, for example many commuters cycle to work.

× When I was about 5 years old my parents gave me it as a present.

✓ When I was about 5 years old my parents gave it to me as a present.

The pronoun object order is incorrect: English uses indirect object before direct object without a preposition (they gave me the present) or uses 'to' with the direct object (gave it to me). Use 'gave it to me' here. Suggestion: say 'gave it to me' or 'gave me a present'.

× Uh, it was glorious pink and I adored it.

✓ Uh, it was gloriously pink and I adored it.

Color description typically uses an adjective (pink) modified by an adverb when emphasizing manner (gloriously pink). 'Glorious' is an adjective that describes nouns, not the color directly; 'gloriously pink' or simply 'a glorious pink' are better. Suggestion: use 'gloriously pink' or 'a glorious pink bike'.

× But I overgrew it unfortunately and right now I don't have a bike.

✓ But I outgrew it, unfortunately, and right now I don't have a bike.

The phrasal verb is 'to outgrow' (past tense 'outgrew'), not 'overgrow' in this context. Also commas improve readability. Suggestion: use 'outgrew' and place commas: 'But I outgrew it, unfortunately, and right now I don't have a bike.'

× I think yes, our bags are uh, quite popular, especially among young children who mostly write them for fun when they are out with friends.

✓ I think so; bikes are quite popular, especially among young children who mostly ride them for fun when they are out with friends.

Multiple issues: 'I think yes' is unnatural; use 'I think so'. 'our bags' is incorrect noun ('bikes' intended). 'write' is a wrong verb; should be 'ride'. Pronoun 'them' is fine after correcting noun. Suggestion: say 'I think so; bikes are quite popular...'.

× Uh, however, now I live in Italy and I've noticed that umm, many people, almost everyone use them in a daily, everyday basis.

✓ Uh, however, now I live in Italy and I've noticed that, umm, many people, almost everyone, use them on a daily, everyday basis.

Missing commas around parenthetical phrases help clarity. The correct preposition is 'on a daily basis', not 'in a daily basis'. Also comma before 'use' needed after 'almost everyone'. Suggestion: use 'use them on a daily/everyday basis' and add commas: '...almost everyone, use them on a daily basis.'