Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be concise and correct grammar: start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Correct tense and plural/verb agreement, and avoid repetitions. For example, replace awkward phrases (“my parents worry” / “didn't get didn't buy 1 for me”) with: “my parents were worried about my safety, so they didn’t buy one.”

例: No, I didn’t have a bike when I was a child because I was afraid of getting hurt. Consequently, my parents were worried about my safety and didn’t buy one for me, so I usually watched other children ride instead.

提案: Give a direct opinion first, then support it with specific examples and correct grammar. Use linking words (for example, however, also) and accurate vocabulary (commuters, exercise) and avoid filler words like “wow.” Clarify who you mean (commuters, students).

例: Yes, I think bikes are fairly popular in my country. For example, many office workers and students commute by bicycle to save money and avoid traffic, and others cycle in parks for exercise on weekends.

× When I was a child I didn't have a bike because I was afraid of getting injured and getting bruises.

✓ When I was a child, I didn't have a bike because I was afraid of getting injured or getting bruises.

The original sentence is mostly correct tense-wise (past). However using 'and' between 'injured' and 'getting bruises' implies both definitely happened; 'or' is more natural to show either outcome was feared. Add a comma after the introductory clause for correct punctuation and clarity.

× I remember most other kids rode bicycles but my parents worry about my safety so they didn't get didn't buy 1 for me.

✓ I remember most other kids rode bicycles, but my parents worried about my safety, so they didn't buy one for me.

Multiple problems: tense inconsistency and subject-verb agreement. 'Remember' can stay in past context with 'rode', but the clause about parents should be past: use 'worried' not 'worry'. Also remove the duplicated 'didn't' and replace numeral '1' with the word 'one'. Add commas for clarity. This fixes subject-verb agreement and past tense consistency.

× In my perspective, I've seen a lot of people in financial workers do travel around using bicycle to go to work or go to parks for exercises.

✓ From my perspective, I've seen a lot of financial workers travel by bicycle to go to work or to go to parks for exercise.

Use 'From my perspective' rather than 'In my perspective'. 'People in financial workers' is incorrect; use 'financial workers' or 'people who work in finance'. 'Travel by bicycle' is the correct prepositional phrase, not 'using bicycle'. 'Go to parks for exercises' should be 'go to parks for exercise' (uncountable). Also simplify 'do travel around' to 'travel'. This fixes preposition and noun usage and improves fluency.

× Yes. Wow.

✓ Yes, they are quite popular.

'Yes. Wow.' is not a grammatical error per se but is not a full answer to the question about popularity. Replace with a concise, complete sentence that answers the question. This addresses sentence structure and coherence in context.