Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and avoid filler words ("um", "uh", "like"). Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Correct tense and frequency phrasing: say when you rented bikes and how often. For example, use: "No, I didn't own a bike as a child. However, I often rented one to get to school or to ride for fun on weekends."

例: No, I didn't own a bike as a child. However, I often rented one to cycle to school or to ride for fun at the park on weekends.

提案: Avoid hesitation and incomplete sentences. Start with a clear opinion, then give specific reasons and an example using linking words (e.g., "because", "for example"). Make the sentence structure natural by removing unnecessary pronouns. For instance: "Yes, bikes are popular because the government and communities promote fitness; as a result, many people choose cycling or walking instead of driving."

例: Yes, bikes are popular in my country because public campaigns promote fitness and cycling infrastructure is improving; for example, I often see commuters using bicycles on dedicated lanes during rush hour.

× No, I did not have a bike. Umm, but uh, I usually rent a bike when I usually go to school or like when I want to play with it.

✓ No, I did not have a bike. Umm, but I usually rent a bike when I go to school or when I want to ride it.

The student mixes past and present references. The first sentence correctly uses past tense for childhood. The following clause uses habitual present ('usually rent') which is acceptable if describing current habit, but the repeated 'usually' is redundant and 'play with it' is informal and inaccurate for bikes; 'ride it' is appropriate. Also use simple present 'go' not 'usually go' twice. Suggestion: keep tense consistent and avoid repetition: 'I usually rent a bike when I go to school or when I want to ride it.'

× Yes, they are really popular because. People in my country, they are usually encouraged to be more fit, so I see a lot of people riding bicycles and walking rather than on cars.

✓ Yes, they are really popular. People in my country are usually encouraged to be more fit, so I see a lot of people riding bicycles and walking instead of driving cars.

The original has a fragment 'because.' and an unnecessary pronoun repetition 'People... they'. Also 'rather than on cars' is incorrect preposition use and comparison. Break into two sentences, remove redundant pronoun, and use 'instead of driving cars' or 'rather than driving' to compare activities. Suggestion: 'Yes, they are really popular. People in my country are usually encouraged to be more fit, so I see a lot of people riding bicycles and walking instead of driving cars.'