Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be concise and use correct grammar and natural phrasing. Start with a direct topic sentence (Yes, I did) then give one or two clear supporting details: age, who gave it, and a brief feeling. Avoid filler words (uh) and incorrect expressions like “when I had, seven years” or “very cold green bike.” Also keep it to no more than 3–4 sentences and use linking words (for example, because) if needed.

例: Yes, I did. I received a green bicycle for my seventh birthday from my older brother, and I loved it because it let me explore my neighborhood freely.

提案: Answer directly and clearly, then give specific supporting details with correct vocabulary. Say whether bikes are popular now, in your area, or generally. Use linking words (for example, because, so) and avoid unclear phrases like “bikes of war” or “when I use the child.” Provide a short comparison or reason to support your opinion.

例: Yes, bikes are quite popular in my village because streets are narrow and many people use them for short trips. For example, students and shopkeepers often cycle to school and the market since it is cheap and convenient.

× Yes, of course. Uh, when I had, uh, seven years and I had a birthday, my older brother gifted me a very cold green bike.

✓ Yes, of course. When I was seven years old and it was my birthday, my older brother gifted me a bright green bike.

The original uses 'had seven years' which is incorrect for age in English; use 'was seven years old' (past tense of 'to be'). 'Had a birthday' is awkward here—use 'it was my birthday' or 'on my birthday'. 'Very cold green bike' is nonsensical; likely intended 'bright green' or just 'a green bike'. Suggestion: say 'When I was seven years old, on my birthday, my older brother gifted me a bright green bike.'

× When I use the child, the bikes were popular in my village.

✓ When I was a child, bikes were popular in my village.

The sentence mixes tenses and uses incorrect verb 'use' instead of 'was'. To describe past habitual state, use past tense 'was a child' and 'were popular'. Also drop unnecessary article 'the' before 'child'. Suggestion: 'When I was a child, bikes were popular in my village.'

× I grew up a small village and you know, uh, the bikes of war, uh, very useful things in my area.

✓ I grew up in a small village, and you know, bikes were very useful in my area.

Missing preposition 'in' after 'grew up' (should be 'grew up in a small village') — this is a sentence structure and preposition issue. 'The bikes of war' is unclear and ungrammatical; likely meant 'bikes were' rather than 'the bikes of war'. Also 'very useful things' is wordy and mismatched; use 'very useful'. The corrected sentence uses past tense 'were' to match 'grew up'. Suggestion: 'I grew up in a small village, and bikes were very useful in my area.'