Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct grammar while removing filler words. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give two specific supporting details (who gave it and how you used it). Use correct verbs (e.g. 'ride' not 'write') and avoid repetition. Keep it under five sentences.

例: Yes, I had a bike when I was a child. It was a black model that my grandfather gave me for my 16th birthday, and I loved it because it was from a well-known local brand. I used it every day to ride to school and tuition classes, and I also rode it to the playground on weekends.

提案: Provide a clear opinion first, then add two specific reasons using linking words. Reduce hesitations and improve vocabulary (e.g. 'transport' instead of 'travelling purpose'). Include a brief example or statistic if possible. Keep sentences concise and coherent.

例: Yes, bikes are very popular in my country. Firstly, they are an affordable and convenient mode of transport for teenagers commuting to school and tuition classes. Secondly, many students use cycling as a form of exercise, which helps improve fitness and saves money on transport.

× OK, yes, I had a bike, umm, in my childhood, it was in a black colour and it was also gifted from my grandfather on my 16th birthday.

✓ Yes, I had a bike in my childhood; it was black and was a gift from my grandfather for my 16th birthday.

The original sentence is wordy and misuses 'was in a black colour' and 'gifted from'. Use simple past consistently ('had', 'was') and natural English collocations: 'was black' and 'was a gift from' or 'was gifted to me by'. Also join clauses properly to avoid comma splices.

× And I used to write a bike for my school and for my tuition and sometimes for the, my playground and uh, also it is uh, from very famous brand in our home country.

✓ I used to ride the bike to school, to tuition classes, and sometimes to the playground. It was also from a very famous brand in my country.

The student wrote 'write a bike' instead of the verb 'ride' (incorrect verb). 'Used to' should be followed by the base verb 'ride'. Split ideas into two sentences for clarity and use correct prepositions: 'ride to school', 'from a very famous brand'. Also correct tense consistency: past habits use 'used to' and descriptions use past simple ('was').

× Umm, I think so, yes. Like the bike is uh, really popular in my home country because, uh, as a teenager, they don't have uh, any option, uh, for travelling purpose, like uh, and uh, for the school, for the playground or for the tuition.

✓ Yes, I think so. Bikes are really popular in my country because teenagers often have no other transport options for travelling to school, the playground, or tuition classes.

The original mixes singular 'the bike is' with plural idea and uses awkward phrasing 'they don't have any option for travelling purpose'. Use plural 'Bikes are' for general statements. Use 'have no other transport options' and 'for travelling to' for natural preposition use. Maintain present simple for general truths.

× And uh, also, uh, some of the student use the bike for the exercise purpose, which is very beneficial for the health.

✓ Also, some students use bikes for exercise, which is very beneficial for their health.

Original has singular 'student' with 'some of the' and wrong pronoun reference 'the health'. Use plural 'students' and plural 'bikes'. Use 'for exercise' (no article) and refer back with 'their health'. Subject-verb agreement corrected: 'students use'.