Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be direct and concise: start with a clear topic sentence, avoid filler words (umm, guess), correct tense and phrasing, and give one or two specific details. Also keep it within 2–3 sentences and use linking words if adding details.

例: Yes. I had a small red Jaguar bicycle that my father gave me when I was about seven. It had training wheels at first, and I loved riding it around our neighborhood every afternoon.

提案: Answer directly, remove filler words, and expand with one concrete reason or example using a linking word (for example, because, since, so). Use correct grammar and countable noun forms.

例: Yes, I think bikes are very popular in my country because many children use them to travel to school. For example, in my neighborhood almost every family owns at least one bicycle, so kids often ride together after classes.

× Well, guess if you have a bike and I was a kid, it is a umm red Jaguar that is given by my father when I was about 7 to 8 years old.

✓ Well, I guess if you had a bike when I was a kid, it was a red Jaguar given to me by my father when I was about 7 or 8 years old. I don't remember.

Errors: incorrect use of tense and voice. 'guess if you have a bike and I was a kid' mixes present and past; should be 'I guess if you had a bike when I was a kid' or better simply 'I guess if you had a bike' but here speaker refers to own past so 'if you had' -> 'if I had' is awkward; more natural: 'I guess I had a bike when I was a kid' or 'I guess, when I was a kid, it was a red Jaguar.' Also 'that is given by my father when I was about 7 to 8 years old' uses passive present 'is given' though action occurred in past; use past participle in past passive 'given to me' or 'was given to me'. '7 to 8 years old' should be '7 or 8 years old'. Suggestions: keep past tense consistently for past events; use past passive 'was given to me' or reduced passive 'given to me'; simplify sentence order for clarity.

× I think yes, bikes are popular in our country because umm, most of the kids nowadays have a bikes.

✓ I think yes, bikes are popular in our country because most kids nowadays have bikes.

Errors: 'most of the kids' is acceptable but 'most kids' is more natural; 'have a bikes' mixes singular article 'a' with plural noun 'bikes' which is incorrect. Use either 'a bike' for singular or 'bikes' without 'a' for plural. Suggestions: remove the article when using a plural noun ('have bikes') or use singular 'have a bike' if referring to each child individually. Also omit filler words for conciseness.