Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and organized: start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific reasons using linking words. Reduce hesitations and filler words (uh, umm). Also correct grammar (parents plural, use past simple consistently) and avoid repeating phrases.

例: No, I didn’t have a bike when I was a child. My parents were worried I might get hurt, so they never bought one for me. As a result, I learned to enjoy walking and taking public transport instead.

提案: Give a direct opinion first, then support it with specific reasons and a linking phrase. Avoid repetition and unclear phrases. Use correct grammar (singular/plural agreement) and finish the thought with an example or comparison.

例: I don’t think bikes are very popular in my country. Because cities are very crowded and traffic is heavy, people prefer cars or motorbikes for convenience. For example, narrow streets and busy roads make cycling unsafe, so few people choose it for daily travel.

× Actually, no, I didn't have a bike uh, because I was the only child and my parent, uh, they were scared of uh, getting hurt, umm, and they didn't, uh, but they didn't buy a bike for me, uh, and.

✓ Actually, no, I didn't have a bike because I was an only child and my parents were afraid of me getting hurt, so they didn't buy a bike for me.

The original sentence has subject-verb agreement and noun number errors: 'my parent' should be plural 'my parents' because the speaker refers to both parents; therefore the verb must be plural 'were' not 'was'. Also redundant fragments ('they were scared of... and they didn't, but they didn't') create sentence-structure problems. Correcting to 'were afraid of me getting hurt' uses proper preposition and gerund construction. Suggestion: use plural subjects consistently and simplify by removing filler words and redundant clauses.

× I, I doubt if uh, bikes are popular in my country, uh, because it's a crowded, uh, can't we have a crowded country and the population, uh, are increasing every day and it's not a suitable place for riding a bike instead people.

✓ I doubt that bikes are not very popular in my country because it is crowded, the population is increasing every day, and it is not a suitable place for riding a bike.

Multiple problems: unclear sentence structure, incorrect phrasing ('can't we have a crowded country' is ungrammatical), and subject-verb agreement ('the population ... are' should be 'is'). The corrected version clarifies the intended meaning and fixes agreement: 'population' is a singular collective noun taking 'is'. Also replace 'it's a crowded' with 'it is crowded' and remove extraneous words. Suggestion: state the main idea first, then give clear supporting reasons; ensure verbs agree with their subjects.