Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: 문장 구조는 간단하고 자연스럽지만 더 구체적인 세부사항과 연결어를 추가하면 더 좋은 점수를 받을 수 있습니다. 예를 들어 언제부터 타기 시작했는지, 어디에서 연습했는지, 또는 자전거를 타는 것에 대해 어떤 감정을 느꼈는지 등을 덧붙이세요. 또한 문장을 약간 다양하게 만들어 반복을 피하고 응답을 3~4문장으로 정리하세요.

例: Yes, I did. It was a small red bike that I got when I was seven, and my dad patiently taught me in the park near our house. At first I was scared, but after a few tries I felt confident and loved riding around the neighborhood.

提案: 좋은 시작이지만 문장이 길고 부자연스러운 연결(예: 'that which')과 문장 미완성 문제가 있습니다. 명확한 주제문을 제시한 뒤 연결어(for example, in particular 등)를 사용해 구체적 증거(예: 공공 자전거 시스템 이름, 이용 이유, 사람들이 언제 주로 사용하는지)를 추가하세요. 문장은 2~4개로 깔끔하게 마무리하세요.

例: Yes, I think bikes are very popular in my country, especially in Seoul. For example, the city has a public bike system that allows people to rent bicycles for short trips, which many commuters and students use to avoid traffic and save money.

× I remember it was a red bike and my dad told me how to ride it.

✓ I remember it was a red bike, and my dad taught me how to ride it.

The verb phrase 'told me how to ride it' is not the best collocation; 'teach someone how to do something' or 'show someone how to do something' is correct. 'Told me how to ride it' is understandable but unnatural; use 'taught me how to ride it' to indicate instruction. Also add a comma before the coordinating conjunction for clarity. (교정 이유: 'teach someone how to do something'이 지시를 나타내는 자연스러운 동사구입니다. 'told me how to ride it'은 문법적으로 완전히 틀리진 않지만 어색하므로 'taught me'로 바꿉니다.)

× Certainly I think bikes are very popular, especially in Seoul where I live, there is a public bike system that which people can use to borrow bikes and.

✓ Certainly. I think bikes are very popular, especially in Seoul where I live. There is a public bike system that people can use to borrow bikes.

The original sentence is a run-on with awkward relative clause 'that which' and a trailing conjunction 'and.' Use two sentences for clarity: one stating the opinion and one describing the public system. Replace 'that which people can use' with 'that people can use' or 'which people can use.' Remove the final 'and.' (교정 이유: 'that which'는 중복되며 문장이 늘어져서 문장 구조 오류를 일으킵니다. 문장을 분리하고 불필요한 접속사 'and'를 제거해야 합니다.)