Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more fluent and concise: start with a clear topic sentence, reduce hesitation sounds (uh, umm), correct tense consistency, and finish the thought. Add one or two specific details (what made it fancy, how you used it) and use linking words if adding details.

例: Yes, I did. My grandfather bought me a bright red bicycle for my tenth birthday, and it had a shiny bell and a wicker basket, which made it feel very special. I rode it to school and around the neighborhood almost every day, so I have many happy memories with it.

提案: Answer directly and avoid unclear words ('listen', 'three'). Use correct grammar (there are), be specific with reasons and give an example. Use a linking word to connect reason to example (for example, because).

例: Yes, I think bicycles are quite popular. Many people, especially factory workers and students, commute by bike because it is cheap and reduces carbon emissions. For example, in my city you often see crowded bike lanes during rush hour.

× Yes, I had, uh, one bicycle which was bought by my grandfather as my, umm, birthday gift.

✓ Yes, I had a bicycle that my grandfather bought for my birthday.

The original sentence has awkward phrasing and unnecessary commas; 'had' is correct past tense. The relative clause should use simple past 'bought' not passive 'was bought' for clarity, and 'a bicycle' is more natural than 'one bicycle'. Use 'that' or 'which' without extra commas and 'bought for my birthday' is the usual English expression. Suggestions: remove filler words, use simple past 'bought', use article 'a', and use 'for my birthday'.

× Umm, it's, it was really fancy and.

✓ It was really fancy.

The original mixes present and past tense ('it's, it was') and ends with an incomplete conjunction 'and'. Since the student is describing a past possession, use past tense 'It was really fancy.' Remove the extraneous 'and' and contraction to form a complete sentence. Suggestions: choose correct tense (past), avoid redundant pronouns, and finish the thought without trailing conjunctions.

× Uh, I think so. Umm, listen, three are many workers commute by bicycle in order not to emit the large amount of, umm, carbon dioxide. So.

✓ I think so. Many workers commute by bicycle to avoid emitting large amounts of carbon dioxide.

The original has 'three are many' which is incorrect word order and uses 'the large amount of' which is unidiomatic here. Correct structure is 'Many workers commute...' Use 'to avoid emitting' (infinitive of purpose) or 'in order not to emit' followed by verb; use plural 'large amounts of carbon dioxide' or 'a large amount of carbon dioxide'. Remove filler words and the trailing 'So.' Suggestions: place 'many' before the noun, use 'to avoid emitting' or 'in order not to emit' followed by a verb, and use plural 'amounts' when referring generally.