Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Bạn cần sửa ngữ pháp cơ bản và cấu trúc câu để trả lời rõ ràng, tránh lặp và nói nhảy chủ ngữ. Hãy bắt đầu bằng một câu chủ đề trực tiếp, sau đó thêm 1–2 câu chi tiết cụ thể (ví dụ: ai mua, màu sắc, hoạt động bạn làm với xe). Dùng liên từ phù hợp và loại bỏ phần thừa. Chú ý thì động từ (I was → I enjoyed cycling) và cấu trúc mục đích (to hang out → so I could hang out).

例: Yes, I did. I loved cycling as a child, so my parents bought me a pink bike when I was about eight. I often rode it to the park with my friends and we spent hours exploring the neighborhood.

提案: Cần tổ chức ý rõ ràng: nêu quan điểm thẳng thắn, sau đó giải thích với lý do và so sánh cụ thể giữa các nhóm tuổi. Tránh lặp từ và dùng liên từ thích hợp (for example, however, because). Sửa ngữ pháp (e.g. “back in” không chính xác; dùng “nowadays” hoặc “traditionally”), và cấu trúc so sánh (“older people … while young people …”).

例: I think bicycles are still quite common, but their popularity depends on age. For example, older people often cycle for exercise or to go to the market, while young people tend to prefer motorbikes because they are faster and more convenient.

× Yes I did. When you were a child. I was a big fan of cycling so my parents bought me a pink bike to for me to hang out with my friends.

✓ Yes I did. When I was a child, I was a big fan of cycling, so my parents bought me a pink bike for me to hang out with my friends.

The original contains sentence fragments and incorrect pronoun addressing ('When you were a child' instead of 'When I was a child') which is a sentence structure error. Also there is an extra preposition 'to' before 'for me'. Suggest: replace 'When you were a child' with 'When I was a child', join fragments with commas or separate sentences, and remove the extra 'to' so the sentence reads smoothly.

× Maybe yes, but maybe back in more popular for older people like either because they want to do exercise so they often bike to go to the market and and the young people often use motorbikes they got bike.

✓ Maybe yes, but bicycles are more popular among older people because they want to exercise, so they often bike to the market, while young people often use motorbikes.

This sentence has several problems but primarily the incorrect use and ordering of conjunctions and connectors ('maybe back in more popular', 'like either', repeated 'and and', 'they got bike'). Fix by using clear conjunctions: 'but' to contrast, 'because' for reason, 'so' for result, and 'while' to contrast groups. Also correct word order and remove redundancy (no 'got bike').