Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and use correct tense and smoother linking. Start with a clear topic sentence, then briefly explain reasons and current situation with linking words. Correct grammar (e.g., ‘I was afraid’ not ‘I'm afraid’ for past), avoid repetition like ‘I'm learning’ twice, and keep it under five sentences.

例: I didn't have a bike when I was a child because I was afraid of falling and getting hurt. However, recently I have started learning to ride a bicycle to build confidence. By practising regularly, I hope to gain the experience I need before I learn to drive a car.

提案: Use clearer grammar, plural forms, and linking phrases. Begin with a direct statement about popularity, then give specific reasons with linking words (for example, because, moreover). Avoid hesitations and unfinished thoughts. Use precise vocabulary like ‘commute’ and ‘avoid traffic’ and keep to under five sentences.

例: Yes, bicycles are very popular in my country. For example, many people use them to commute to work or school because they are cheap and convenient. Moreover, bicycles help riders avoid traffic jams and are a healthy, eco-friendly way to travel.

× When I was a child, I didn't have a bike.

✓ When I was a child, I didn't have a bike.

No correction needed; sentence correctly uses past simple negative to describe a past state.

× I avoided one because I'm afraid of falling or getting hurt.

✓ I avoided them because I was afraid of falling or getting hurt.

Pronoun 'one' is incorrect for 'bikes' (plural); use 'them'. Also tense consistency: the explanation of childhood feeling should be in past tense ('was afraid') to match 'When I was a child'.

× Now I'm learning.

✓ Now I'm learning to ride.

Sentence is short and vague; to be clear and match context, include the activity: 'learning to ride'. Present continuous is appropriate for a current ongoing action.

× I'm learning to ride a bicycle to gain some confidence and experience to start driving a car now.

✓ I'm learning to ride a bicycle to gain some confidence and experience so I can start driving a car.

Use of 'to start driving' is acceptable but awkward with 'now'; better to use 'so I can start' to show purpose and ability. Modal 'can' clarifies ability; word order improved for natural English.

× Yes, bike is so popular in my country because someone using this for when they going to their work, going to school, when they're strolling around.

✓ Yes, bikes are very popular in my country because people use them to go to work, to go to school, or to stroll around.

Use plural 'bikes' and plural verb 'are' for general statements. 'Someone' and 'they' mismatched; use 'people' and 'them'. Replace gerund phrases with infinitives for purpose ('to go'). Improved word choice: 'very popular' is more natural than 'so popular' in this context.

× I think a bicycle will would help them like in traffic, I think they.

✓ I think bicycles would help them in traffic.

Remove conflicting modals 'will would' — choose 'would' for hypothetical. Use plural 'bicycles' to match 'them'. Remove trailing fragment 'I think they' which is incomplete. 'In traffic' is the correct prepositional phrase.