Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more natural, concise and correct grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid repetition (don’t repeat 'on my birthday'), correct word choice (use 'ride' not 'write'), and add one specific detail using a linking word. Keep to a maximum of about 3–4 sentences.

例: Yes, I did. I received a black bicycle from my parents for my tenth birthday, and I loved riding it in the small park near our house. Because the park had smooth paths, I practiced until I could ride for an hour without stopping.

提案: Give a direct topic sentence then add a specific reason and an example, and use linking words for coherence. Correct phrase usage (say 'on a daily basis' or 'daily') and avoid repeating 'youngsters' and 'young people'. Keep it to 2–3 sentences.

例: Yes, bikes are quite popular in my country, especially among young people. For example, many students cycle to school because it is cheap and faster than taking crowded buses.

× Yes I did, I had a black color bike on my birthday.

✓ Yes, I did. I had a black bike for my birthday.

The phrase 'black color bike' is incorrect; use the adjective 'black' directly before the noun. Also 'on my birthday' is less natural than 'for my birthday' when saying what you received. Add comma and separate into two sentences for clarity.

× I got it on my birthday from my parents and I really enjoy writing it in the park nearby my house.

✓ I got it for my birthday from my parents and I really enjoyed riding it in the park near my house.

The sentence mixes past ('got') with present simple 'enjoy'. Because the context is childhood (past), use past tense 'enjoyed'. 'Writing' is a typo; the intended verb is 'riding'. 'Nearby my house' is awkward; use 'near my house'. Also use 'for my birthday' as above.

× Yes, I think bikes are really popular in my country, especially among youngsters because young people like to ride bikes on daily basis.

✓ Yes, I think bikes are really popular in my country, especially among young people because they like to ride bikes on a daily basis.

'Youngsters' is acceptable but 'young people' is more natural here; keep consistent wording. Add the article 'a' in 'on a daily basis'. Also avoid repeating 'youngsters' and 'young people'—use one pronoun 'they' to refer back. Tense is present and correct.