Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer is clear, relevant and includes personal detail, which is good. To improve, make it more concise and natural by using one strong topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details. Avoid small errors (e.g., “gladly enough” → “fortunately” or “to my delight”) and redundant phrasing (“I wanted a bike since I would see…” → “I wanted one because I often saw…”). Also vary vocabulary slightly (e.g., “favorite colour” → “favorite color” or “preferred color”) and check tense consistency.

例: Yes, I did. I begged my parents for a bike for my seventh birthday, and to my delight they bought me a pink one. I wanted it because I often watched my neighbors riding around the block, which looked so much fun.

提案: Your answer addresses the question and gives a reason, but it is slightly repetitive and has grammatical mistakes (“the the”, awkward phrasing). Improve coherence by starting with a clear main sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words (e.g., “For example,” “Moreover,” “Recently,”). Correct verb forms: use present simple for regular facts (e.g., “the government has provided” or “has been creating”).

例: Yes, bikes are fairly popular in the Philippines. For example, many people use them for short commutes, and in recent years the government has created dedicated bike lanes in several cities to encourage cycling.

× 'I wanted a bike since I would see my neighborhood friends riding one and enjoying it.'

✓ 'I wanted a bike because I used to see my neighborhood friends riding one and enjoying it.'

'since' is ambiguous here and can mean 'because' or 'since (time)'. Also 'would see' is used for habitual past but sounds odd with 'wanted' and the time expression; 'used to see' clearly expresses a past habitual action. Replace 'since' with 'because' and 'would see' with 'used to see' to make the meaning and grammar clear.'

× 'I remember begging my parents for a bike on my 7th birthday and gladly enough they got me a bike in my favorite colour which is pink.'

✓ 'I remember begging my parents for a bike for my 7th birthday, and, happily, they got me a bike in my favorite color, which was pink.'

'on my 7th birthday' is acceptable but 'for my 7th birthday' is more natural when describing a request for a gift. 'Gladly enough' is not idiomatic; use 'happily' or 'fortunately'. Add commas for clause separation and change 'is pink' to 'was pink' to keep past tense consistent.'

× 'In my country, which is the Philippines, people often use bikes as their mode of transportation.'

✓ 'In my country, the Philippines, people often use bikes as a mode of transportation.'

'which is the Philippines' is wordy and interrupts the sentence; 'the Philippines' as an appositive is more concise. Also 'their mode' can imply one unified mode; 'a mode' is more natural. Tense is fine but wording improved for clarity.'

× 'So I'd like to say that bikes are quite popular in my country, especially the the government in my country provided bike lanes specifically for bike riders.'

✓ 'So I'd like to say that bikes are quite popular in my country, especially because the government has provided bike lanes specifically for cyclists.'

'especially' needs a clause explaining why; use 'especially because' to link cause. Remove duplicate 'the'. Use present perfect 'has provided' to show an action relevant to the present. 'Bike riders' is correct but 'cyclists' is more natural. Also remove the repeated phrase 'in my country'.'