Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise, use correct tense and avoid repetitions and fillers. Start with a clear topic sentence in past tense, then add one or two specific supporting details (who bought it, what it looked like, why you liked it). Use linking words for coherence and limit to 3–4 short sentences. Also correct vocabulary: say “training wheels” instead of “supportive wheels.”

例: Yes, I had a bike when I was a child. My dad bought it for me and it had two training wheels, which helped me learn to ride. I loved it because it made me feel independent and I rode it to visit friends.

提案: Give a direct opinion first, then support it with specific reasons and examples. Reduce hesitation and repetition. Use linking words such as ‘because’ or ‘for example’ and be slightly more precise about who uses bikes and for what purposes. Keep to 2–3 clear sentences.

例: Yes, I think bikes are very popular in my country because many people use them for short commutes. For example, students often cycle to university and workers ride to their jobs, especially in busy cities where bikes are faster than cars.

× Yes, when I was a child I do have have a I did have a uh bike and my my dad bought it for me and it had a 2 supportive wheels and it was amazing.

✓ Yes, when I was a child I did have a bike; my dad bought it for me, and it had two support wheels, and it was amazing.

Problems: extra auxiliary 'do' and duplicated 'have' are unnecessary because the speaker already uses 'did have' to express past possession; '2' should be written as a word in formal speech and 'supportive wheels' is incorrect collocation — use 'support wheels' or 'training wheels.' Suggestions: remove the extra 'do' and duplicate 'have', keep 'did have' or simply 'I had', write numbers as words in speech transcripts if desired ('two'), and use the correct noun phrase 'support wheels' or 'training wheels.' Keep punctuation to separate clauses for clarity.

× I think yes, they are popular cause uh, I, I always see people uh, on the roads, uh, riding bikes and they always ride bikes to go somewhere else like their job or their university.

✓ I think so; they are popular because I always see people on the roads riding bikes, and they often ride to places like their jobs or their universities.

Problems: 'cause' is colloquial; use 'because' in standard English. Redundant 'uh' and repeated words should be removed. 'Go somewhere else like their job or their university' is awkward: use 'ride to places like their jobs or their universities.' Also ensure plural agreement for 'jobs' and 'universities' to match 'people.' Suggestions: replace 'cause' with 'because', remove fillers, use 'often' instead of repeated 'always' for style, and make nouns plural to agree with 'people.'