Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be direct, use correct tense and concise sentences, avoid filler words, and give one or two specific details. Start with a clear topic sentence using past tense, then add a specific detail (appearance, how you used it, or a memory) with a linking word. Keep it within 2–4 sentences.

例: Yes. I had a small red bicycle when I was a child. It was designed for an eight- or nine-year-old, and I loved riding it to my friend’s house every afternoon. However, I don’t have it anymore.

提案: Give a clear opinion with reasons and specific examples, use correct grammar and linking words (e.g., because, for example, although). Avoid vague generalizations and reduce fillers. One topic sentence plus one supporting sentence with a specific example is enough.

例: Yes, bicycles are still quite popular in my country because they are affordable and practical for short journeys. For example, many students ride bikes to school and workers use them to commute in cities where traffic is heavy, although wealthier people may prefer cars.

× OK, well, uh, when I was a child, I have a bike, uh, which is, it's very beautiful and paying, uh, for it's for little and, uh, look like a 8-9 years old person, uh, children. So I love it, but uh, I don't have now.

✓ OK, well, when I was a child, I had a bike that was very beautiful and pink; it was for a small child and looked like it was for an 8- or 9-year-old. I loved it, but I don't have it now.

The student mixes past and present tenses incorrectly. The main clause describes a past situation, so verbs should be in the past tense (have -> had, love -> loved). Use 'was' for past description. 'I don't have now' lacks an object and natural positioning; correct form is 'I don't have it now.' Also fix word choice and structure: 'paying' seems intended as 'pink' and 'for little' should be 'for a small child'; use hyphenation for compound ages (8- or 9-year-old). Suggestion: keep past events in past tense consistently, include necessary objects, and use clear adjective order and hyphenation for ages.

× Uh, well, I think it's, it's very popular in my country because everyone have a bike vehicle, uh, for their go for umm, uh, lessons, for lessons and for work.

✓ Well, I think it's very popular in my country because everyone has a bicycle to go to lessons and to work.

The subject 'everyone' is singular and requires the singular verb 'has' (not 'have'), which is a subject-verb agreement error. 'Bike vehicle' is redundant; 'bicycle' or 'bike' is sufficient. 'For their go for lessons' is ungrammatical; use the infinitive 'to go to lessons' and parallel structure 'to go to lessons and to work.' Suggestion: ensure verb agrees with indefinite pronouns like 'everyone' and simplify noun phrases.

× Someone's go car, but someone's very poor.

✓ Some people have cars, but some people are very poor.

The original uses 'someone's' incorrectly as a contraction and subject. Use 'some people' to refer to a group. Also 'go car' is ungrammatical; the intended meaning is 'have cars.' Contrast should be made with 'some people are very poor.' Suggestion: use correct plural noun phrases for general statements ('some people') and appropriate verbs ('have cars', 'are poor').