Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and natural: start with a clear topic sentence, reduce hesitation words, correct collocations (learn to ride, not learn how to play using the bike), and add one specific supporting detail with a linking word. Keep to 2–4 sentences and avoid repetitions about falling/injuries.

例: Yes. I had a bike as a child and I rode it almost every day. When I was learning to ride, I fell several times and scraped my knees, but after a few weeks I became confident and could cycle around the neighbourhood.

提案: Give a direct opinion followed by clear reasons and a specific example. Avoid vague phrases like "closed" and filler sounds. Use linking words (because, for example) and be precise about who prefers cars and why (safety, convenience). Limit to 2–3 sentences.

例: Not very popular. Most people prefer cars because they are safer and more comfortable, especially for families. For example, many adults choose cars for commuting and shopping since they protect passengers from bad weather and traffic.

× I remember when I first learned how to play using the bike, I used to fall a lot.

✓ I remember when I first learned how to ride the bike; I used to fall a lot.

The verb choice 'play using the bike' is unnatural for riding a bicycle. Use 'learned how to ride the bike' to match the past-tense context and standard collocation. Also replace the comma with a semicolon (or split into two sentences) to avoid a comma splice.

× Umm, and that has just made me have a lot of injuries that were quite hurtful.

✓ Umm, and that caused me to have a lot of injuries that were quite painful.

The original mixes present perfect ('has made') with past context and uses 'hurtful' incorrectly; 'hurtful' describes something that causes emotional pain rather than physical pain. 'Caused me to have' or 'led to' with 'painful' fits the past narrative. Keep past simple 'caused' to maintain tense consistency.

× Not really, in my country people would usually opt for the safer option, which is to ride vehicles.

✓ Not really. In my country, people usually opt for the safer option, which is to travel by vehicle.

The phrase 'ride vehicles' is awkward; use 'travel by vehicle' or 'use motor vehicles.' Also change comma splice into two sentences and add commas for clarity. 'Would usually' is acceptable but 'usually' is more natural here.

× This is because people are uh, usually looking for something that is closed.

✓ This is because people are usually looking for something that is enclosed.

'Closed' is unnatural when describing a vehicle's enclosed space; 'enclosed' is the appropriate adjective. Remove filler 'uh' for clarity; keep 'usually' placement before the verb 'looking'.

× Something like cars for example.

✓ Something like cars, for example.

This fragment needs punctuation to be grammatically correct in context; adding a comma before 'for example' makes the phrase a clearer parenthetical. Alternatively, integrate into the previous sentence: '...something enclosed, such as cars.'