Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and avoid repetition. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific details using linking words. Also correct minor grammar (e.g., drop duplicated words) and vary vocabulary (e.g., 'scar' or 'injury' instead of repeating 'bump').

例: Yes, I did. I had a small bicycle when I was a child, but I only rode it twice because I crashed into a tree and hurt my forehead. As a result, I was scared to ride for a long time, so my parents never encouraged me to try again.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence, avoid filler words (like 'uh' and repeated phrases), and expand with a specific reason or example using linking words. Mention where or who uses bikes (commuters, fitness enthusiasts) to add detail.

例: Yes, I think bicycles have become very popular in the Philippines. In particular, many people use them for exercise and commuting, and as a result numerous bike clubs and weekend cycling events have sprung up in major cities.

× Yes I did. I had one bike when I was a child but I only I only rode it twice because I bumped into a tree and got a big bump on my forehead.

✓ Yes, I did. I had one bike when I was a child, but I only rode it twice because I bumped into a tree and got a big bump on my forehead.

The sentence contains an accidental repetition 'I only I only' which is a redundancy and disrupts sentence flow. Although 'repetition/redundancy' is not listed in the provided Grammar_Problem_Type_List, this is a clear error to fix. Remove the duplicated words and add commas after 'Yes' and before 'but' for clarity: 'Yes, I did. I had one bike when I was a child, but I only rode it twice because I bumped into a tree and got a big bump on my forehead.' Suggestion: read sentences aloud or proofread to catch repeated fragments and use punctuation to separate clauses.

× Yes, I think bikes are popular in our country, the Philippines, especially now that uh, being active is the lifestyle, so a lot of a lot of people are joining bike clubs and.

✓ Yes, I think bikes are popular in our country, the Philippines, especially now that being active is a common lifestyle, so a lot of people are joining bike clubs.

Problems fixed: redundant filler 'uh' and repeated phrase 'a lot of a lot of'; awkward phrase 'being active is the lifestyle' corrected to 'being active is a common lifestyle' to use appropriate noun phrase. Also the sentence ended prematurely with 'and.' Use 'a lot of people' once and complete the clause. This falls under 'Incorrect use of adjectives or adverbs' (13) for 'common' and 'Incorrect use of quantifiers' (14) for repeated 'a lot', plus 'Verb in the present participle form' (10) relative to 'being' as noun phrase; however the primary issues are redundancy and phrasing. Suggestion: avoid filler words, remove repetitions, and use clear noun phrases like 'a common lifestyle.'