Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and natural: start with a clear topic sentence, avoid hesitation sounds (uh), correct awkward phrases (e.g. “I was very high” is inappropriate), and give one or two specific supporting details. Use linking words to make the answer coherent. Maintain under 4–5 sentences.

例: Yes — I did. I got a bicycle as a gift from my uncle when I was about three or four years old, and I remember feeling very excited. I quickly learned to ride in the park near our house, and I used it almost every day to visit friends.

提案: Answer directly with a clear topic sentence, then give specific reasons using linking words. Avoid repetition ("children and kids") and remove filler words. Improve grammar (e.g. "easy for them to ride" and "fathers can afford them").

例: Yes, bikes are very popular in my country. Mainly children use them because they are easy to learn and inexpensive, so many parents can afford to buy one. In addition, bikes are convenient for short trips and help kids stay active.

× Actually it was a gift from a relative of mine when I was uh, if I recall right when it was 3 or 4 years, he bought me uh, a bike and I was very high.

✓ Actually it was a gift from a relative of mine. If I recall correctly, when I was 3 or 4 years old he bought me a bike and I was very happy.

The original sentence mixes clauses and has incorrect age expression and a wrong adjective. Use past tense consistently ('was', 'bought'). Express age as '3 or 4 years old' and use 'if I recall correctly' for clarity. 'Very high' is incorrect in this context; the intended meaning is 'very happy'. Split into two sentences for clarity.

× So bikes are very popular and very common, especially between children and kids because it's uh, very easy to them to ride and it's cheap, uh, fathers and can afford it for their children.

✓ So bikes are very popular and common, especially among children, because they are very easy for them to ride and they are cheap, so fathers can afford them for their children.

Use 'among' rather than 'between' when referring to more than two people. 'Children and kids' is redundant; use one word. The correct structure is 'easy for them to ride' (preposition 'for' required). Pronouns must agree: use 'they' for bikes and 'them' as object. 'Fathers and can afford it' is ungrammatical; change to 'so fathers can afford them'.