Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Reduce hesitations and tighten structure: start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two concise supporting details using linking words. Avoid filler sounds (“uh”) and redundant phrases. Also keep to under five sentences and use slightly richer vocabulary (e.g., “neighborhood” -> “local streets” or “backyard”).

例: Yes. I had a pink bicycle as a child that I rode around my neighborhood. My older brother taught me to balance on it, and we often raced each other in the evenings, which made the bike very special to me.

提案: Improve fluency and clarity: remove hesitations and correct grammar (subject-verb agreement, articles). Use linking words to organize reasons and give a specific example or statistic. Replace vague phrases (“in expense”) with accurate vocabulary (“affordable” or “cost-effective”). Keep answer within three sentences.

例: Yes, bicycles are quite popular in my country. For example, many students and office workers cycle to work because it is an affordable and efficient way to travel in crowded cities. Consequently, cycling is common during peak hours on major roads.

× Yes. When I was a child, I had a pink bicycle that I used to ride in my neighborhood.

✓ Yes. When I was a child, I had a pink bicycle that I used to ride in my neighborhood.

No grammatical correction needed; sentence correctly uses past tense to describe a habitual past action ('had', 'used to ride'). Ensure clarity by removing filler words when speaking.

× Uh, it was very special for me as my, uh, older brother taught me to ride it and we used to race in the evening.

✓ It was very special to me because my older brother taught me to ride it, and we used to race in the evenings.

Use of past tense is correct ('taught', 'used to race'), but wording and articles need smoothing. 'For me' is acceptable but 'to me' is more natural. Replace 'as' with 'because' for clarity. Remove unnecessary commas and filler words. Use plural 'evenings' for habitual action.

× Yes, I think uh, bicycles are quite popular in my country.

✓ Yes, I think bicycles are quite popular in my country.

Present simple is correct for general statements. Remove filler 'uh' when writing. No grammatical change required beyond fluency.

× Uh, most of the people, especially students and office workers use bicycle uh, and to get to their work as it is an inexpensive way to get around in expense in crowded cities.

✓ Most people, especially students and office workers, use bicycles to get to work because they are an inexpensive way to get around in crowded cities.

Errors include quantifier/ determiner use ('most of the people' -> 'most people'), singular/plural mismatch ('use bicycle' -> 'use bicycles'), unnecessary infinitive phrase ('and to get to their work' -> 'to get to work'), and awkward phrase 'in expense' which is incorrect; use 'because they are an inexpensive way'. Also add commas for clarity and maintain present simple for habitual fact.

× And it is.

✓ (Remove this fragment)

'And it is.' is a sentence fragment lacking clear meaning or connection. Either complete the thought (for example, 'And it is convenient.') or remove the fragment. Fragments reduce clarity in speech and writing.