Study— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Make the response more fluent and concise: begin with a clear topic sentence, reduce fillers (uh), correct grammar (e.g., 'I am currently a student' and 'I recently completed my +2 at Immersing Higher Secondary School'), and add one specific detail about your study plans. Use linking words to connect ideas.

例: I am currently a student. I recently completed my +2 at Immersing Higher Secondary School, where I studied science. At the moment I am not working, and I plan to pursue a bachelor's degree abroad in business management next year.

提案: Give a direct, concise answer and avoid repetition. Start with a clear statement of where you studied, then add one specific positive detail about the school. Remove fillers and redundant words.

例: I recently completed my +2 at Immersing Higher Secondary School. It had a strong science program and supportive teachers, but I am not studying anywhere at the moment while I prepare for university applications.

提案: Answer directly and use varied vocabulary without repetition. Provide one specific reason or example illustrating why it is good (teachers, facilities, teaching methods). Keep it to two or three sentences and use a linking word to clarify.

例: Yes, it is a very good place to study because the teachers provide individual attention to students, which helped me improve my grades. Moreover, the school has well-equipped labs that make practical learning easier.

提案: State your opinion clearly, correct grammar (e.g., 'stricter'), and give a specific, concise reason plus a suggested change. Use a linking word to show cause and effect.

例: Yes, I think the school should enforce stricter punctuality rules because many students arrived late to early classes, which disrupted lessons. For example, introducing a late-arrival penalty or a check-in system could improve attendance.

提案: Clarify your intentions with correct vocabulary and avoid unclear words ('Paszler studies' is unclear). Start with a topic sentence, state current preparations, and specify the intended degree and destination if possible. Use linking words to connect ideas.

例: I plan to study abroad and am currently preparing for the IELTS exam. After that, I want to pursue a bachelor's degree in business management, preferably in the UK or Australia, starting next year.

× Uh, I right now I'm a student.

✓ Uh, right now I'm a student.

The original has redundant placement of 'I' causing an awkward structure. Remove the extra 'I' before 'right now' to form a natural English sentence: 'Right now I'm a student.' Keep the contraction I'm for natural speech.

× I recently completed my +2 education from immersing higher secondary school.

✓ I recently completed my +2 education at Immersing Higher Secondary School.

Use past tense 'completed' is correct, but the preposition should be 'at' for educational institutions and the school name must be capitalized. Also replace 'from' with 'at' for natural collocation.

× Uh, for now I am not involved in any kind of work and I am planning to do my bachelor studies in foreign country.

✓ For now I am not working, and I plan to do my bachelor's studies in a foreign country.

'Not involved in any kind of work' is wordy; use 'not working.' 'I am planning to do' can be simplified to 'I plan to.' Use possessive 'bachelor's' and include the article 'a' before 'foreign country.' These changes make the sentence grammatically correct and more natural.

× Uh, I just now completed my +2 examination from the college which was named Immersing Higher Secondary school.

✓ I just completed my +2 examination at the college named Immersing Higher Secondary School.

'Just now completed' is awkward in formal English; 'just completed' is preferred. Use 'at' for institutions and remove unnecessary relative clause wording. Capitalize the school's name.

× It was really a wonderful and a good education system overall and but right now I am not studying anywhere.

✓ It had a really good education system overall, but right now I am not studying anywhere.

Combine 'wonderful and a good' into 'really good' to avoid redundancy. Use past reference 'had' since speaking about the school's past system. Remove the extra conjunctions 'and but' and use 'but' to contrast with current status.

× It's definitely, uh, worth worthy place to study.

✓ It's definitely a worthwhile place to study.

'Worth worthy' is incorrect and redundant. Use the adjective 'worthwhile' (or phrase 'worth visiting') and include the article 'a' before 'worthwhile place.' This yields a natural expression.

× I mean, the way they provide us the education and the way they are giving, providing a quality education to each and every student is something that every student will enjoy.

✓ I mean, the way they provide us with education and provide quality education to every student is something all students appreciate.

Use the prepositional phrase 'provide us with education.' Remove redundant 'are giving, providing' and 'each and every' is repetitive; 'every' or 'all students' is enough. Change 'will enjoy' to 'appreciate' for natural collocation.

× And talking about the place, it's really wonderful.

✓ As for the campus, it's really wonderful.

'Talking about the place' is informal and awkward. Use 'As for the campus' or 'About the place' for smoother transition; 'campus' clarifies meaning.

× Yeah, I think the school rules need to be a little strict than it is of now since they during the college time, it was uh, quite, uh, early in the morning and the most of the students were coming late, which would affect our studies.

✓ Yeah, I think the school rules need to be a little stricter than they are now because during college time it was quite early in the morning, and most students were coming late, which affected our studies.

Use comparative form 'stricter' (adjective comparison). 'Than it is of now' is incorrect; use 'than they are now.' Remove unnecessary filler 'they' and correct 'the most of the students' to 'most students.' Use past tense 'affected' when referring to past events.

× So that rules need to be Stricker.

✓ So those rules need to be stricter.

Use plural demonstrative 'those' to match 'rules.' 'Stricker' is misspelled and should be 'stricter.' Use lowercase unless starting sentence.

× I am planning to study abroad and for now I'm preparing for my IELTS exam.

✓ I plan to study abroad, and right now I'm preparing for my IELTS exam.

Both forms are acceptable, but keep tense consistency: 'I plan' is simple present for future intention; 'right now I'm preparing' is present continuous for current action. 'For now' should be 'right now' for natural speech.

× So I am planning to study business management for Paszler studies.

✓ So I am planning to study business management for my bachelor's studies.

'Paszler' appears to be a misspelling of 'bachelor.' Use 'bachelor's studies' or 'a bachelor's degree.' Include the possessive form and article as needed to be grammatically correct.