Study— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Make a clear, grammatical topic sentence and support it briefly. Use correct verb forms, articles, and avoid redundancy. Include one or two concise supporting details (where you study or why you chose the subject).

例: I am a student majoring in Financial Management. I chose this subject because I am interested in finance and I want to understand how businesses manage money. I hope the course will help me build a career in financial analysis.

提案: Start with a clear statement naming your university, then add one specific detail about it or why you study there. Use correct prepositions and avoid unrelated family reasons unless concise and relevant.

例: I study at Shanda University in Shanghai. It has strong programs in business and practical training, which is why I chose it. My family also encouraged me to study in Shanghai because of the city's many opportunities.

提案: Give a direct yes/no answer, then give two specific reasons with linking words. Use correct grammar (e.g., 'has' not 'have') and avoid vague phrases like 'understanding mind.'

例: Yes, I think it's a very good place to study because it has a rich cultural scene and many international students. For example, there are museums and cultural events that broaden my perspective.

提案: Answer directly whether you would like changes, then suggest one or two concrete improvements (facilities, teaching methods, student services). Keep sentences short and linked logically.

例: I would like some changes to improve student facilities. For instance, I wish there were more quiet study rooms and stronger career counseling services to help students prepare for jobs.

提案: State your plan clearly (where and what), then give a brief reason and next step. Use correct terms (e.g., 'economics' or 'economic studies') and correct grammar (infinitives, articles).

例: I plan to go to England to continue my studies in economics at the postgraduate level. I want to gain international experience and improve my qualifications so I can work in finance or economic research.

× I am student my majoring is financial management just I am interested in a major so I wanted to learn a sense of knowledge about.

✓ I am a student. My major is financial management. I am interested in this subject, so I wanted to gain some knowledge about it.

Missing articles and sentence structure errors: 'student' needs the article 'a'. 'Majoring' is wrongly used; use 'My major is...'. The original has run-on fragments; split into clear sentences. Use 'this subject' or 'it' to refer back to the major.

× I am a Shanda University which train in docker in Shanghai. So just my father wanted to go Shanghai to study and learn more knowledge to say different.

✓ I study at Shanda University, which trains students in Docker in Shanghai. My father wanted me to go to Shanghai to study and learn more and gain different experiences.

Use 'study at' for institutions. 'Which train in docker' needs passive/active correction: 'which trains students in Docker'. Include 'to' with 'go to Shanghai'. 'Learn more knowledge' is unnatural; use 'learn more' or 'gain more knowledge'. 'To say different' is unclear; 'gain different experiences' is appropriate.

× Yes, I believe that it's a better place for me because this place have a series of culture and and some people always have a understanding mind.

✓ Yes, I believe that it's a good place for me because this place has a rich culture and some people are always open-minded and understanding.

Subject-verb agreement: 'this place have' should be 'this place has'. 'A series of culture' is incorrect; use 'a rich culture' or 'a variety of cultural activities'. 'Have a understanding mind' is ungrammatical; replace with 'are open-minded and understanding'.

× I would like this place where I learn about different emotions and a sense of achievement. Just this place the people always keep up with the modern social.

✓ I would like this place because I learn about different perspectives and feel a sense of achievement. Also, people here always keep up with modern society.

Sentence structure and word choice: 'learn about different emotions' likely intended 'different perspectives' or 'aspects'. 'The people always keep up with the modern social' is ungrammatical; use 'keep up with modern society'. Combine ideas into clearer sentences.

× I plan to go to England to complete my economic bad careers because I am a graduate student so I needed to continue my economic careers just I wanted to.

✓ I plan to go to England to complete my studies in economics because I am a graduate student and need to continue my economic studies.

Tense and word choice errors: 'economic bad careers' is incorrect and unclear; likely meant 'studies in economics' or 'academic career'. 'I needed' should be 'I need' to match present/future plan. Remove extraneous 'just I wanted to'. Use 'continue my economic studies' for clarity.