Study— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence, correct school name capitalization and plurality, and avoid filler sounds. Use linking words to add one brief detail about your subjects or year. Fix verb forms (I am a Secondary 4 student) and article use.

例: I am currently a student at Diocesan Boys’ School, studying in Secondary 4. I am taking four elective subjects: Physics, Chemistry, Biology and Mathematics, which I chose because I want to pursue science in the future.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence naming the school location and then add one or two specific details. Avoid repetition (enormous, very big). Use linking words like 'also' or 'it has' to connect details. Correct the school name and prepositions (study at).

例: I study at Diocesan Boys’ School in Kowloon, Hong Kong. The school is built on a hillside, so it covers a large area and has many buildings and facilities such as science labs and sports courts.

提案: Begin with a direct statement and then provide one clear reason with a linking word (because/so). Remove hesitations and fix grammar (students are very concentrated → students are very focused). Be specific about what makes the atmosphere good (quiet libraries, supportive teachers, etc.).

例: Yes, it is a very good place to study because most students are focused and hardworking. For example, the teachers provide clear guidance and many students attend extra study sessions, which creates a serious learning atmosphere.

提案: Answer directly and give one specific example of the problem, then suggest a realistic change using linking words (for example/so). Avoid repetition and filler words; correct grammar (they are using their phones).

例: Sometimes the classrooms are noisy during recess because some students play games or use their phones, so I cannot study then. For example, the school could enforce a quiet policy in study areas or provide more designated quiet rooms.

提案: Use more formal vocabulary (going to → going to; revise rather than revisioning). Start with a clear topic sentence about your plan, then give one specific action and a reason using linking words (because/so that). Avoid repeated fillers and correct phrasing (build my fundamental knowledge).

例: I plan to prepare for the DSE exams in two years, so I am focusing on reviewing core concepts now. For instance, I study subject notes daily and attend extra tutorials to strengthen my fundamentals so that I will be ready for the exams.

× I'm now a student and I'm studying in diocesan boys school as a secondary 4 students and my selective electives is physics, chemistry, biology and math.

✓ I'm now a student and I'm studying at Diocesan Boys' School as a Secondary 4 student, and my selective electives are Physics, Chemistry, Biology and Math.

Errors: missing/incorrect articles/capitalization and plural agreement. Use the preposition 'at' for attending a school, capitalize proper nouns, use the singular 'student' to match 'a', and plural verb 'are' to agree with plural subject 'electives'. Also add apostrophe in school name.

× I study in douses in high school, which is located in Hong Kong, Kowloon.

✓ I study in Douses High School, which is located in Kowloon, Hong Kong.

Errors: word order and capitalization. Place specific location 'Kowloon, Hong Kong' in natural order, capitalize proper nouns, and use correct school name formatting. No verb change needed but correct noun phrase ordering improves grammaticality.

× My school is built on a mountain, which is enormous because the whole mountain is our school.

✓ My school is built on a mountain, which is very large because the whole mountain belongs to our school.

Error: inappropriate adjective choice and awkward phrasing. 'Enormous' is acceptable but 'very large' is more natural here; 'the whole mountain is our school' is unnatural, so use 'belongs to our school' to show possession.

× I think students in our school very, umm, concentrated and focused in their academic and sports results.

✓ I think students in our school are very concentrated and focused on their academic work and sports results.

Error: missing auxiliary verb 'are' for subject-predicate and incorrect preposition 'in'. Use 'focused on' and specify 'academic work' for clarity.

× And I think the atmosphere and the environment is very good for you to study because everyone is so diligent and hardworking during the lesson.

✓ And I think the atmosphere and the environment are very good for studying because everyone is so diligent and hardworking during lessons.

Errors: subject-verb agreement ('atmosphere and environment' are plural -> 'are'), awkward 'for you to study' -> use gerund 'for studying', and pluralize 'lesson' to 'lessons' for general reference.

× I think sometimes in the classroom it's a bit noisy for me because like during the umm, recess or lunch time, some they, they're not going to study and actually they're going to play games or just using their phone, which is sometimes a bit noisy for me and I can't really study at that moment.

✓ I think sometimes the classroom is a bit noisy for me because during recess or lunch time some students don't study; instead, they play games or just use their phones, which makes it hard for me to study at those times.

Multiple errors: subject-verb agreement and awkward pronouns. Replace 'it's' with 'the classroom is', remove filler words, use 'some students' as subject, use negative 'don't study', change 'they're going to play' to 'they play', 'using their phone' -> 'use their phones', and make result clause clear.

× Well, I'm gonna have the DSC exams 2 years later, so I'm gonna to umm, right now I'm gonna to focus on uh, revisioning my umm, for, for knowledge, which is to build my fundamental knowledge, umm, for my DSC exams, which is very, very challenging.

✓ Well, I'm going to take the DSE exams in two years, so right now I'm going to focus on revising to build my fundamental knowledge for the DSE, which is very challenging.

Errors: informal 'gonna', incorrect future phrasing 'have the DSC exams 2 years later' -> 'take the DSE exams in two years', unnecessary 'to' after 'gonna', incorrect verb 'revisioning' -> 'revising', repetition and wordiness removed. Use formal contractions and correct exam name 'DSE'.