Study— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Make your answer more concise and fluent: start with a clear topic sentence, avoid fillers (uh, um), correct grammar (e.g. "an online assistant" and "part-time"), and limit to 2–3 sentences. Use one linking phrase to add detail (e.g. "because").

例: I'm a student at the moment, and I also work as an online assistant two days a week because I need to earn extra money. This part-time job helps me balance work and study.

提案: Use correct noun phrases and word order: say "I am doing a master's degree in Economics at EMU University." Remove hesitation and be specific about reasons; use linking words like "because" and "so". Keep it within 2–3 clear sentences.

例: I am doing a master's degree in Economics at EMU University. I chose this field because the faculty is strong and the department offers good opportunities to continue to a PhD program.

提案: Be specific and coherent: begin with a clear opinion, then give 1–2 concrete reasons using linking words (for example, "because" or "for instance"). Avoid vague phrases and repetition. Use correct collocations such as "supportive faculty" and "conducive atmosphere."

例: Yes, it is a very good place to study because the faculty is experienced and supportive, and the atmosphere is conducive to meaningful research. For example, professors give helpful feedback and there are plenty of research resources.

提案: Answer the exact question directly: if asked about changes at your current university, say whether you'd like changes and specify which ones. If you want to move to a more prestigious university, explain briefly why. Avoid repeating and trailing off; use clear linking words such as "however" or "therefore."

例: Rather than changes here, I would prefer to continue my education at a more prestigious university in Europe because it would offer better funding and research opportunities. Therefore, I am preparing to apply for programs abroad.

提案: Start with a direct statement of your goal, then give specific steps you will take. Use correct grammar: "a career in academia" or "to become a professor," and avoid incomplete sentences. Limit to 2–3 sentences with one linking word like "therefore" or "so."

例: I want a career in academia and hope to become a professor at a prestigious university. Therefore, I plan to pursue a PhD and focus on publishing research to strengthen my profile.

× I work uh as a online assistant in part time job uh two days in a week.

✓ I work as an online assistant in a part-time job for two days a week.

Use 'an' before a vowel sound: 'an online assistant'. 'Part-time' is a compound adjective and requires a hyphen. 'In a part-time job' is more natural than 'in part time job'. Use 'for two days a week' or 'two days a week' to indicate frequency; 'in a week' is unnatural here.

× I study master at EMU University and I'm studying economy.

✓ I am studying for a master's degree at EMU University, and I'm studying economics.

Use 'studying for a master's degree' to indicate the program. 'Master' alone is incorrect. The field name is 'economics'. Use consistent present continuous 'am studying' for current study.

× I choose this field because, uh, my faculty and also my department is very strong and I, yeah, have a opportunity to continue my education and PhD program.

✓ I chose this field because my faculty and department are very strong, and I have the opportunity to continue my education and pursue a PhD program.

Verb tense: 'choose' should be past 'chose' since referring to a past decision. Subject-verb agreement: 'faculty and department' are plural, so use 'are'. Article use: 'a opportunity' should be 'the opportunity' or 'an opportunity' depending on meaning; here 'the opportunity' is appropriate. Also add 'pursue' before 'a PhD program' for clarity.

× Definitely, yes, it's a perfect place to study.

✓ Definitely; yes, it's a great place to study.

'Perfect' can be grammatical but 'great' sounds more natural in spoken evaluation. Punctuation adjusted for clarity. This is a stylistic suggestion rather than strict grammar; kept present tense and agreement.

× Uh professor or uh, experienced and supportive conductive atmosphere, uh, allows us to have a meaningful research and elaborate who are uh, well occupied is well occupied and it's encourage us to.

✓ The professors and the experienced, supportive, and conducive atmosphere allow us to do meaningful research and help us develop professionally.

Original sentence had fragmented structure and unclear phrases. 'Professor' should be plural 'professors' to match 'faculty' idea. 'Conducive' (not 'conductive') describes an atmosphere. 'Allow' should agree with plural subject. 'Have a meaningful research' should be 'do meaningful research' or 'conduct meaningful research'. Removed unclear fragment 'elaborate who are well occupied' and replaced with 'help us develop professionally' for a coherent meaning.

× So to be honest, as I'm ambitious, I would like to continue my education in another university and now actually, uh, prestigious, more prestigious university in, uh, European country because I need to work, uh, so that's why I'm improving my.

✓ To be honest, because I'm ambitious, I would like to continue my education at a more prestigious university in a European country because I need to work, so that's why I'm improving myself.

Use 'at' with 'university' when indicating attendance. 'Another university' followed by 'more prestigious university' is redundant; use 'a more prestigious university'. 'European country' requires the article 'a'. The sentence ended incomplete 'improving my' — complete as 'improving myself' or 'improving my skills'. Also removed filler words and adjusted word order for clarity.

× As I am passionate about academic job, I really want to be as a professor in the prestigious university.

✓ As I am passionate about an academic career, I really want to be a professor at a prestigious university.

Use 'an academic career' rather than 'academic job'. 'Be as a professor' is incorrect; use 'be a professor'. Use 'at' with 'university'. Remove definite article 'the' before 'prestigious university' unless referring to a specific one.

× So I want to pursue a PhD and also improve my knowledge and research and have a meaningful.

✓ So I want to pursue a PhD, improve my knowledge and research skills, and do meaningful work.

Sentence was incomplete and awkward. Use parallel gerund structures: 'pursue', 'improve', and 'do'. 'Research' as a noun needs a modifier like 'skills' or 'work'. Completed the idea with 'do meaningful work' to convey intent clearly.