Study— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and grammatically correct. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid sentence fragments, and use correct tense and articles. Provide one or two supporting details linked logically (use linking words).

例: I am a high school student preparing to enter a good college. By the time I graduate, I hope to study medicine and become a pediatrician because I want to help children with illnesses.

提案: Give a direct topic sentence naming the school, then add one or two specific, well-linked details. Avoid redundant phrasing and incorrect prepositions (use 'give back to' not 'strive for to fund').

例: I study at the Philippine Science High School, Cagayan Valley campus, which is sponsored by DOST. Because the school is government-funded, we feel motivated to work hard and give back by achieving academic excellence.

提案: Start with a concise opinion sentence, then add two linked specific reasons. Use smoother linking phrases and correct collocations (e.g., 'live on your own' and 'use the dormitories').

例: Yes, it is a very good place to study because it offers high-quality education and helps students develop social skills, independence and responsibility. For example, living in the dormitories teaches you how to live on your own and manage daily tasks.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence about overall satisfaction, then specify one or two improvements with brief reasons or examples. Use linking words for coherence and correct phrasing ('academically' instead of 'academic wise').

例: Academically, I am satisfied because they recently implemented a new curriculum. However, I would like them to improve cafeteria quality and dormitory maintenance, for example by fixing broken showers and ensuring the cubicles are functional.

提案: Be clearer and more accurate: state your plan in a focused topic sentence, then explain specific steps or exams you will take. Correct factual or naming errors and avoid vague phrases like 'So that's where I plan to study.'

例: Because our program is supported by DOST, I plan to apply for the DOST scholarship for college. I also intend to prepare for major entrance exams such as the CAT, USTET and ASSET to increase my chances of getting into a good university.

× Currently, I am high school student working hard in my studies so that I could get into a good college.

✓ Currently, I am a high school student working hard in my studies so that I can get into a good college.

Missing the indefinite article 'a' before 'high school student' (article error, treated as sentence structure here) and the modal tense should match present/future intention: use 'can' instead of 'could' to express ability/possibility. Suggestion: include required articles and use present modal for intended future outcomes.

× By the time I graduate.

✓ By the time I graduate,

This fragment is incomplete as written; it lacks a main clause. Connecting phrase 'By the time I graduate' should attach to a following clause (for example, 'By the time I graduate, I plan to work as a pediatrician.'). Suggestion: combine with main clause or complete the sentence.

× I plan to work as a pediatrician so that I could help young people with their sickness.

✓ I plan to work as a pediatrician so that I can help young people with their illnesses.

Use 'can' instead of 'could' for a realistic future ability/intention. Also 'sickness' is less natural as a plural noun; use 'illnesses' or 'their health problems'. Suggestion: replace 'could' with 'can' and use correct plural noun.

× I study at the Philippine Science High School, Cagayan Valley campus here in Nuevo Vizcaya which is under DOST.

✓ I study at the Philippine Science High School, Cagayan Valley campus here in Nueva Vizcaya, which is under DOST.

Grammatical issue mainly concerns punctuation and place name spelling: 'Nuevo' should be 'Nueva' for the province name; a comma before 'which' is required for a nonrestrictive clause. Suggestion: fix proper noun spelling and punctuation.

× Our study is funded by the taxes of the Filipino people.

✓ Our studies are funded by the taxes of the Filipino people.

Subject-verb agreement and noun number: 'study' should be plural 'studies' to match general meaning, so use 'are' not 'is'. Also 'funded by the taxes of the Filipino people' is grammatically acceptable. Suggestion: pluralize subject and adjust verb accordingly.

× That is why we work hard to achieve excellence into our studies to kind of pay back to those who strive for to fund.

✓ That is why we work hard to achieve excellence in our studies to repay those who worked to fund us.

Multiple problems: incorrect preposition 'into' should be 'in'; awkward phrasing 'to kind of pay back to those who strive for to fund' is ungrammatical. Recast as 'to repay those who worked to fund us.' Suggestion: use 'in our studies' and a clear verb 'repay' with correct object.

× I would say that it is a good place to study because it offers quality education and not only that, because it builds your social skills and your independence and your responsibility.

✓ I would say that it is a good place to study because it offers quality education and also builds your social skills, independence, and sense of responsibility.

Redundant 'because' and list coordination issues. Use 'also' to connect ideas and parallel nouns without repeating 'your'. 'Sense of responsibility' is more natural. Suggestion: streamline conjunctions and maintain parallel structure.

× When you are away, you can avail the dormitories and you will learn how to live by your own.

✓ When you are away, you can use the dormitories and you will learn how to live on your own.

'Avail the dormitories' is incorrect; use 'use' or 'live in' the dormitories. 'By your own' is wrong; correct phrase is 'on your own'. Suggestion: learn common collocations: 'avail of' (in some varieties) or simply 'use', and 'on your own' for independence.

× Academic wise, I wouldn't say that I want them to make any more changes as they just finish the new curriculum which is implemented in our batch.

✓ Academically, I wouldn't say that I want them to make any more changes, as they have just finished implementing the new curriculum for our batch.

Adverbial form 'Academic wise' should be 'Academically'. Tense: 'just finish' should be present perfect 'have just finished' to indicate recent completion. 'Which is implemented in our batch' is awkward; recast to 'for our batch'. Suggestion: use adverbial form and correct perfect tense for recent actions.

× The thing that I would like them to improve is the cafeteria services and the dormitory services.

✓ The things I would like them to improve are the cafeteria and dormitory services.

Subject-verb agreement and phrasing: plural 'things' matches plural predicate; better to combine 'cafeteria and dormitory services.' Suggestion: use plural subject 'things' and simplify noun phrases.

× Sometimes in the dormitories, the showers or the cubicles aren't functional.

✓ Sometimes in the dormitories, the showers or cubicles aren't functional.

Sentence is generally acceptable; minor wording: remove 'the' before 'cubicles' for parallelism. Tense 'aren't' is fine for habitual present. Suggestion: keep parallel noun phrases.

× Since we are under the DOST, we are actually required to take the DOS, the Say scholarship when we get into college.

✓ Since we are under the DOST, we are actually required to take the DOST scholarship when we enter college.

Confusing and incorrect acronym use: 'DOS, the Say scholarship' seems mistaken; likely meant 'DOST scholarship'. Also 'get into college' is informal; 'enter college' is preferable. Suggestion: use correct program name and formal phrasing.

× Also, they are encouraging us to take the big four entrance exams such as the CAT, USTED and ASSET.

✓ Also, they are encouraging us to take the major entrance exams such as the CAT, USTET, and ASSET.

List and name corrections: 'big four' is informal; exam name 'USTED' likely intended 'USTET' (University of Santo Tomas Entrance Test). Ensure comma before final item (Oxford comma optional). Suggestion: verify correct exam names and use consistent phrasing.

× So that's where I plan to study.

✓ So that's where I plan to study in college.

Add 'in college' to clarify referent 'where' refers to colleges listed. Sentence fragment otherwise acceptable but can be clearer. Suggestion: clarify context by specifying 'in college.'

× Those are my choices for college.

✓ Those are my choices for college.

This sentence is correct as is. No grammatical correction needed. Suggestion: none.