Study— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Melhore a fluência e a correção gramatical, simplificando e organizando as ideias. Evite repetições (por exemplo, "working" e "a part time job" juntos de forma confusa) e corrija a construção de frases ("I'm joined the music club" → "I have joined"). Use uma frase inicial direta e, em seguida, 1–2 frases de apoio com detalhes específicos.

例: I'm a high school student and I also have a part-time job. At school I have joined the traditional Japanese music club where we play the koto, which is very enjoyable, and I have made many friends there.

提案: Corrija a gramática e melhore a coerência ao explicar a origem do nome. Use uma frase tópica clara seguida de uma explicação concisa com ligação lógica (por exemplo, "because" ou "named after"). Evite sons de preenchimento como "uh".

例: I study at Ibuki High School. The school is named after Mount Ibuki, which stands behind the campus, so the name comes from that mountain.

提案: Organize a balanced answer: comece com uma opinião direta, depois apresente razões claras e específicas. Evite afirmações contraditórias sem explicação (por exemplo, dizer que não gosta dos professores e depois elogiar o ambiente). Use conectores como "because" e "so" para ligação lógica.

例: Yes, it's a good place to study because the students and staff are very kind and supportive. Although I don't always agree with some teachers, I have many friends and we often study together, so I plan to prepare intensively for the test in two months.

提案: Seja mais claro e use vocabulário apropriado ("changes" em vez de "chains", "club activities" em vez de "clips activities"). Dê uma sugestão específica e explique por que ajudaria, usando conectores como "for example" e "because". Evite hesitações como "uh".

例: Yes, I would like some changes, especially in extracurricular activities. For example, the school only offers a traditional music club; I think adding modern music or other interest clubs would give students more options and increase participation.

提案: Melhore a fluência e junte frases curtas para soar mais natural. Explique brevemente o que você está fazendo para atingir a meta (por exemplo, praticar habilidades específicas) e evite linguagem excessivamente coloquial como "gonna". Use conectores para coerência.

例: I plan to study abroad, so I'm preparing intensively for the IELTS to get a high score. For example, I am practicing speaking and taking mock tests because I want to apply to NYU and need a strong result for admission.

× I'm in high school right now, but I am working too and a part time job, and in school I'm joined the music club, the traditional Japanese music club where we usually play instrument, call it koto.

✓ I'm in high school right now, but I am working too in a part-time job, and at school I joined the music club, the traditional Japanese music club where we usually play an instrument called the koto.

Portuguese (Brazil): O estudante usou artigos incorretos e estruturas erradas: 'a part time job' precisa do hífen e do artigo 'a' corretamente posicionado; 'in school I'm joined' mistura tempos e voz passiva/ativa incorretamente; 'play instrument, call it koto' carece de artigo indefinido e verbo na forma correta. Sugestão: usar 'a part-time job', 'at school I joined' (passado simples) e 'play an instrument called the koto'. English reason (não usado nas regras mas fornecido): Use correct articles and verb forms: 'a part-time job' (compound noun), 'I joined' (simple past for completed action), 'an instrument' (indefinite article before singular count noun), 'called the koto' (past participle used as adjective).

× I have a lot of friends there.

✓ I have a lot of friends there.

Portuguese (Brazil): A frase está correta no presente simples para indicar estado atual; nenhuma alteração necessária. Sugestão: manter o presente simples para fatos permanentes. English reason: Present simple correctly expresses a current state.

× I am currently studying in the high school college Ibuki uh and the name Ibuki is because of there is a mountain behind the school.

✓ I am currently studying at Ibuki High School, and the name Ibuki comes from a mountain behind the school.

Portuguese (Brazil): 'studying in the high school college' está confuso e a preposição correta é 'at' para instituições; 'the name Ibuki is because of there is a mountain' está estruturalmente errado. Sugestão: usar 'at Ibuki High School' e 'the name Ibuki comes from a mountain behind the school'. English reason: Use 'at' for places of study, avoid 'because of there is'—use 'comes from' or 'is named after'.

× In this mountain names is Ibuki so that's why the school name is Ibuki as well.

✓ This mountain is named Ibuki, so the school is called Ibuki as well.

Portuguese (Brazil): 'In this mountain names is Ibuki' está errado no uso de preposição e ordem das palavras. Sugestão: 'This mountain is named Ibuki' ou 'The mountain is called Ibuki'. English reason: Use active construction 'is named' or 'is called' and correct word order.

× Yes, it is. I'm not even talking only about the study, but I'm talking about the people there are really kind and polite.

✓ Yes, it is. I'm not only talking about studying; I'm talking about the people there, who are really kind and polite.

Portuguese (Brazil): 'not even talking only about the study' está incorreto; 'study' como substantivo aqui soa estranho. Sugestão: usar 'not only talking about studying' e inserir 'who' para ligar a cláusula descritiva 'who are really kind and polite'. English reason: Use 'not only... but' structure and 'who' to introduce defining relative clause describing 'people'.

× I don't really like the teachers, but I have a lot of friends there.

✓ I don't really like the teachers, but I have a lot of friends there.

Portuguese (Brazil): A frase está gramaticalmente correta; pronome e estrutura estão adequados. Sugestão: manter a frase como está. English reason: Pronouns and structure are correct.

× We usually study together when we don't understand something.

✓ We usually study together when we don't understand something.

Portuguese (Brazil): Correto no presente simples para hábitos. Sugestão: manter o presente simples para rotinas. English reason: Present simple is appropriate for habitual actions.

× In the next test it will be in two months, so I will study a lot with them.

✓ The next test will be in two months, so I will study a lot with them.

Portuguese (Brazil): 'In the next test it will be in two months' contém ordem de palavras incorreta. Sugestão: 'The next test will be in two months'. English reason: Place subject 'the next test' before verb 'will be'.

× Yes, I would. There's some chains that I think would be better to our school.

✓ Yes, I would. There are some changes that I think would be better for our school.

Portuguese (Brazil): 'There's some chains' incorre em uso de 'there's' com plural e 'chains' provavelmente deveria ser 'changes'; 'better to our school' usa preposição errada. Sugestão: usar 'There are some changes' e 'better for our school'. English reason: Use 'there are' with plural nouns and correct preposition 'for' after 'better'.

× Uh, for example, the clips activities, I think that they should improve because there's only one music club and it's a traditional Japanese music club.

✓ For example, the club activities should be improved because there is only one music club and it is a traditional Japanese music club.

Portuguese (Brazil): 'the clips activities' está incorreto (talvez quisesse 'club activities'); estrutura 'I think that they should improve' é possível mas mais natural passiva ou impessoal. Sugestão: 'the club activities should be improved' e manter 'there is only one music club'. English reason: Correct noun 'club activities', prefer passive 'should be improved' for general suggestions.

× So I don't think that it's really good.

✓ So I don't think that that's very good.

Portuguese (Brazil): 'really good' não está incorreto, mas 'that's very good' soa mais natural neste contexto de avaliação institucional. Sugestão: usar 'that's very good' ou 'is ideal'. English reason: 'very good' is a clearer collocation for this context.

× I already have a plan. I'm planning to go to university abroad and that's why I'm studying a lot.

✓ I already have a plan. I'm planning to go to university abroad, and that's why I'm studying a lot.

Portuguese (Brazil): A frase está correta; apenas adicionei uma vírgula para clareza. Sugestão: manter tempos presentes progressivos para planos futuros. English reason: Present continuous 'I'm planning' appropriately expresses near-future plans.

× Specifically for the IELTS test. I want to take a good score because if it's not, I'm not going to be accepted to the university.

✓ Specifically for the IELTS test. I want to get a good score because if I don't, I won't be accepted to the university.

Portuguese (Brazil): 'take a good score' é incorreto; usar 'get' ou 'achieve' um 'score'. 'if it's not' está vago e incorreto; usar 'if I don't' com relação ao sujeito. Sugestão: 'get a good score' e 'if I don't, I won't be accepted'. English reason: Use correct collocations ('get a score') and maintain consistent subject in conditional ('if I don't').

× I'm gonna go 'cause I'm planning to go to NYU, New York University.

✓ I'm going to go because I'm planning to attend NYU, New York University.

Portuguese (Brazil): 'gonna' é informal; 'go' repetido e uso de 'cause' é coloquial. Sugestão: usar 'I'm going to go' ou melhor 'I'm planning to attend' para formalidade e clareza. English reason: Use standard future form 'going to' or 'planning to attend' and avoid informal contractions like 'gonna'.