Study— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and grammatical: start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details. Avoid repetition ("secondary senior secondary") and use plural/singular correctly ("communication skills"). Use linking phrase to connect ideas, e.g. "because" or "so".

例: I am a student. I recently completed my senior secondary education at Cohen International Academy, and now I am improving my communication skills to prepare for studying abroad.

提案: Give a clear direct answer first, then one or two specific supporting details. Avoid fragments and repeated phrases. Clarify what you cannot tackle or remove that unclear fragment. Use linking words like "when" or "because" to explain reasons.

例: I study at home. When I need help, I contact my class teacher online by phone, and she helps me complete tasks and feel more confident.

提案: Start with a clear topic sentence that answers the question, then give two concise, specific reasons using linking words like "because" or "so". Avoid hesitation words (uh) and repeated phrases (relax/relaxed).

例: Yes, I think home is a good place to study because it is quiet and I can relax in my own room. As a result, I can concentrate better and study for longer periods.

提案: Answer directly then give one or two specific changes with reasons. Remove fillers (uh) and repetitions. Use clear linking words such as "for example" or "so that."

例: Yes. For example, I would put up posters and important notes on my wall so I can see reminders often and remember key points while studying.

提案: Give a concise opening statement about your main plan, then add one specific detail (subject, destination or reason). Avoid excessive hesitations and repetition like "uh" and double words. Use linking words such as "because" or "in order to."

例: I plan to pursue higher studies abroad. Specifically, I am improving my communication skills now so I can apply to universities overseas next year.

× I'm a student, I have recently accomplished my secondary senior secondary education from Cohen International Academy and now I'm pursuing my communication skill to improve my English.

✓ I'm a student. I recently completed my senior secondary education at Cohen International Academy, and now I'm improving my communication skills to get better at English.

Run-on sentence and redundancy: two independent clauses were joined incorrectly with a comma. 'accomplished my secondary senior secondary education' is redundant and awkward; use 'completed my senior secondary education'. Use 'at' for institutions. 'pursuing my communication skill' is uncountable/incorrect; use plural 'communication skills' and 'improving' fits present continuous purpose better. Split into shorter sentences for clarity.

× I do study at home only whenever I need any help or anything else.

✓ I study at home only whenever I need help or anything else.

'Do study' is unnecessary emphatic present tense; simple present 'study' is correct. 'any help' does not need 'any' twice and 'anything else' is vague but acceptable; keep 'help' without extra 'any'. Remove redundancy.

× I took a help from my class teacher from the mobile phone online only.

✓ I got help from my class teacher online by phone only.

'took a help' is incorrect collocation; use 'got help' or 'received help'. 'from the mobile phone online only' has wrong prepositions and word order; 'online by phone' or 'via phone' is correct. Place 'only' after 'by phone' if emphasizing exclusivity.

× She helped me a lot to make that task complete and make me feel comfortable.

✓ She helped me a lot to complete the task and made me feel comfortable.

Incorrect verb forms and coordination: use the infinitive 'to complete the task' rather than 'to make that task complete'. Maintain consistent tense: 'helped' and 'made' should both be past simple. Reorder for natural English.

× I can't. I can't tackle any.

✓ I can't; I can't tackle it.

Fragment and missing object: 'I can't tackle any' is incorrect because 'any' needs a noun or 'it' refers to the task. Combine fragments and supply the object 'it' to clarify meaning.

× Yes, it is a good place to study as in the home, we can feel that we can sit relax in the relaxed way in our room only and no one is there to disturb you and we can focus with the very, uh, I can focus in a very good manner.

✓ Yes, it's a good place to study because at home we can relax in our room; no one is there to disturb us, so we can concentrate well.

Several article and preposition issues: use 'at home' not 'in the home' in this context. 'sit relax' is incorrect; use 'relax'. 'in the relaxed way' is awkward; use 'relax' or 'in a relaxed way'. Replace 'we can focus with the very' and filler 'uh' with 'concentrate well'. Use consistent pronouns ('us'). Simplify long run-on sentence.

× So I think so it is a very good place to study.

✓ So I think it is a very good place to study.

Redundant 'so' repeated: 'So I think so it is' is incorrect. Remove one 'so' and place clauses correctly: 'I think it is' or 'So I think it is'.

× Yes, I would definitely like to change uh, make the changes like in my room.

✓ Yes, I would definitely like to make some changes in my room.

Redundant wording and filler 'uh'. Use 'make some changes' rather than 'change make the changes like'. Modal 'would like to' is fine; streamline phrase for natural English.

× I will definitely like to uh put the posters on my on the wall uh like uh, if there is any important thing thing, I will definitely paste it on the wall that I will remember in my mind always.

✓ I would like to put posters on my wall. If there is anything important, I will paste it on the wall so I will always remember it.

Tense and modality: 'I will definitely like to' is awkward; use 'I would like to' for preference. Remove fillers 'uh' and duplicate words. 'any important thing thing' is repetition; use 'anything important'. 'paste it on the wall that I will remember in my mind always' is unnatural — use 'so I will always remember it'.

× As I have told you recently that I have accomplished my senior secondary education, uh, and now I am, uh, pursuing my communication skills for going to abroad.

✓ As I told you, I recently completed my senior secondary education, and now I am improving my communication skills to go abroad.

Tense and aspect: 'As I have told you recently that I have accomplished' is wordy and uses unnecessary present perfect; simple past 'I told you' and 'I recently completed' are clearer. 'pursuing my communication skills for going to abroad' is incorrect: 'pursuing my communication skills' is awkward (use 'improving') and 'to go abroad' is correct (not 'to abroad'). Remove fillers.

× So I, I have a plan to do the higher study. Uh, so this is my plan.

✓ So I plan to pursue higher studies. That is my plan.

Word order and article use: 'do the higher study' is incorrect; use 'pursue higher studies' or 'do higher studies'. Remove filler and duplicate 'I, I'. Use concise phrasing.