Study— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and start with a clear topic sentence, then add one specific detail. Avoid unrelated numbers unless relevant and use a linking phrase if adding details.

例: I am a high school student. In our curriculum we study many subjects, such as biology, English and history, which helps me prepare for different career paths.

提案: Correct grammar and be precise. Begin with a direct sentence naming the place, then give one specific supporting detail using a linking word (e.g., 'so' or 'therefore'). Avoid repetition and repair speech errors.

例: I study in the capital city, which is about an hour from my home, so I spend roughly two hours commuting each day.

提案: Use correct tense and word choice, and organize ideas with linking words. Start with a clear opinion, then list two specific reasons using connectors like 'because' or 'for example'.

例: Yes, it is a great place to study because public transport is reliable and there are many libraries and quiet cafes where I can focus.

提案: Be specific and use correct vocabulary. Start with a clear suggestion, give a reason, then provide a concrete, correctly worded example. Avoid unclear phrases and invented terms.

例: I would redesign the traffic routes around campus because congestion is common. For example, creating a one-way loop and adding designated drop-off lanes would reduce jams during peak hours.

提案: State your plan directly, then give one or two specific reasons and use clearer vocabulary ('career' instead of 'advise my career'). Keep sentences natural and linked.

例: I plan to study abroad to gain international experience and improve my professional skills, because this will make me more competitive for jobs at reputable companies and help clarify my career goals.

× We study a wide range of subjects in our curriculum, about 20 in total, including science, language and social studies.

✓ We study a wide range of subjects in our curriculum, about 20 in total, including science, languages and social studies.

The noun 'language' should be plural because it refers to one of several subject types; when listing types of subjects, use plural 'languages' to match 'subjects' and imply multiple languages studied. Suggestion: Use plural forms when referring to multiple kinds or instances (e.g., 'languages,' 'sciences' when appropriate).

× I study in capital city which is quite far from my home.

✓ I study in the capital city, which is quite far from my home.

The sentence is missing the definite article 'the' before 'capital city' and needs a comma before the nonrestrictive clause 'which is quite far from my home.' Suggestion: Use 'the' with 'capital city' when referring to a specific city and add a comma before 'which' when the clause is nonrestrictive.

× My commu commute from home to school takes a long time, so I spend a lot of time traveling each day.

✓ My commute from home to school takes a long time, so I spend a lot of time traveling each day.

The original contains a typographical duplication 'commu commute' and an awkward noun phrase. Removing the duplicate and keeping the singular noun 'commute' corrects the structure. Suggestion: Proofread for typos and ensure only one noun is used for the subject ('My commute').

× In the capital city many facilities were within easy reach, good public transport, libraries and cafes, and there are lots of green spaces so the environment is feasible and relaxing for a study.

✓ In the capital city, many facilities are within easy reach: good public transport, libraries and cafes, and there are lots of green spaces, so the environment is comfortable and relaxing for studying.

Several problems: tense inconsistency ('were' should be 'are' for a general statement), missing commas, and awkward phrasing 'feasible for a study.' Also 'for studying' is the correct gerund form. 'Feasible' is incorrectly used; 'comfortable' fits meaning. Suggestion: Use present tense for general facts, add punctuation for clarity, and use appropriate adjectives and gerunds ('relaxing for studying').

× If I had the chance to change the place where I study, I would change the traffic routes around the campus because the area is quite small and often gets congested.

✓ If I had the chance to change the place where I study, I would change the traffic routes around the campus because the area is quite small and often gets congested.

No correction needed; sentence is grammatically correct. (Included here to indicate no change required.)

× For example, whitening interest road and adding dedicated drop of land would reduce traffic jams during peak hours.

✓ For example, widening intersecting roads and adding dedicated drop-off lanes would reduce traffic jams during peak hours.

Multiple incorrect words: 'whitening' should be 'widening'; 'interest road' is unclear—likely 'intersecting roads' or 'intersection roads'; 'drop of land' should be 'drop-off lanes.' The corrected sentence uses appropriate verbs and noun phrases. Suggestion: Choose verbs that match the intended action ('widening') and correct compound nouns for facilities ('drop-off lanes').

× In the near future, I plan to study abroad to improve my professional skills.

✓ In the near future, I plan to study abroad to improve my professional skills.

No correction needed; sentence correctly uses 'plan to' for future intentions. (Included to show it was checked.)

× Studying overseas will increase my chance of getting a job with a high quality company and help advise my career.

✓ Studying overseas will increase my chances of getting a job with a high-quality company and help advance my career.

Problems: 'chance' should be plural 'chances' when speaking generally; 'high quality' needs a hyphen as a compound adjective ('high-quality'); 'help advise my career' is incorrect collocation—use 'help advance my career.' Suggestion: Use idiomatic verbs ('advance') for career progress, pluralize 'chances' for general likelihood, and hyphenate compound adjectives before nouns.