Study— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be concise and organize your answer: state your status first, then give one clear reason. Avoid repetition and filler words. Use a clearer vocabulary (e.g. "personal development" instead of "moral morality"). Keep to 2–3 sentences.

例: I'm currently a student and I'm also looking for a part-time job. I want to gain work experience because it will help my personal development and improve my practical skills.

提案: Begin with a direct topic sentence stating where you study or plan to study. Use correct phrase structures ("I have just finished my intermediate studies"; "I'm preparing to study abroad") and avoid extra fillers. Provide one specific detail about the university or course to enrich the answer.

例: I recently completed my intermediate studies and I'm preparing to study abroad. I'm hoping to enroll at an international university where I plan to study computer science because it has a strong program and good research opportunities.

提案: Give a clear opinion and support it with specific reasons. Replace vague phrases ("people can read and write easily") with precise points like "quiet environment, good library, and supportive staff." Limit to 2–3 supporting points and use linking words (e.g., "because", "and").

例: Yes, it's a very good place to study because it has a quiet, peaceful atmosphere and a well-stocked library. Also, the faculty are supportive, which makes it easier to focus on learning.

提案: Start with a clear topic sentence about the change you would make, then give one or two specific reasons using linking words. Avoid hesitations and repeat words. Be precise about how the change would help (e.g., more natural light improves concentration).

例: If I could change anything, I'd move my study table to sit beside a window. Natural light and an outside view would help me feel more alert and improve my concentration while studying.

提案: Give a structured plan: state your main goal, then list next steps with clear linking words ("after that", "if not"). Use correct terms ("major" or "degree" instead of "founder") and avoid hesitations. Be specific about the field and timeline if possible.

例: My main plan is to complete a bachelor's degree in the science stream, majoring in computer science. After graduation I'll look for a job in the tech industry, and if I can't find a suitable position, I'll pursue a master's degree to specialize further.

× I am student, I'm searching for a job to do because it's, it will help me to grow and it will teach me moral morality.

✓ I am a student; I'm searching for a job because it will help me grow and teach me morality.

Missing indefinite article 'a' before 'student' (article error). Also unnecessary filler 'to do' removed and redundant words simplified. Use 'help me grow' (no 'to') and 'teach me morality' for clarity.

× I am preparing for to study abroad and I am waiting to admit myself in International University and I want to go there to study.

✓ I am preparing to study abroad and I am waiting to be admitted to the International University; I want to go there to study.

Incorrect use of 'for to' (should be 'to' for infinitive) and wrong verb/preposition 'admit myself in'—use passive 'be admitted to'. Also include definite article 'the' before a specific university.

× I think people can read and write easily and it is a bit peaceful and very calm area and anyone can read and any of books and many of them.

✓ I think people can learn easily; it is a peaceful, calm area, and there are many books available for everyone.

Awkward phrasing and unclear noun references. Replaced 'read and write easily' with 'learn easily' for natural meaning. Combined adjectives with correct order and punctuation, used 'there are' for existence, and clarified 'many books available for everyone.' This addresses sentence structure and article/quantifier clarity.

× So I, I, I change it in the window side because it, it will help me to, uh, increase my focus and.

✓ So I would move it to the window side because it would help me increase my focus.

Incorrect verb form and incomplete sentence. Use conditional 'would move' for hypothetical change and 'to the window side' (preposition). Removed filler and completed thought with correct infinitive 'help me increase my focus.'

× Is my future plan is to complete my, uh, graduation, uh, in from science stream.

✓ My future plan is to complete my graduation in the science stream.

Redundant 'Is' at start and 'in from' is incorrect—use 'in' before 'the science stream'. Also include definite article 'the' with 'science stream' and remove extra filler words.

× And I'm basically, uh, a big founder of computer science.

✓ I am basically very interested in computer science.

'A big founder of computer science' is incorrect word choice. Likely intended meaning is 'very interested in' or 'a big fan of' computer science. Replaced with natural expression.

× If I can't find a job, then I will uh, masters.

✓ If I can't find a job, then I will do a master's degree.

Incomplete verb phrase 'will masters' is incorrect. Use 'do a master's degree' or 'pursue a master's' to express intention. This corrects sentence structure and verb use.