Study— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: The answer is clear and relevant, but slightly wordy and includes unnecessary repetition ("currently" and "not for long"). Shorten to one strong topic sentence and add a brief supporting detail about what you'll do after graduation to enrich the response. Use a linking word if adding extra information.

例: I am currently a student and I expect to graduate in December. After graduation, I plan to look for a job in international affairs or pursue postgraduate study, depending on the opportunities I find.

提案: Good direct response with clear details (school, major, year). To improve, combine sentences for fluency and correct tense/word order ("I am in my third year"). You can add a short reason why you chose the major to make it more informative.

例: I study at De La Salle-College of Saint Benilde, where I am in my third year majoring in International Affairs because I am interested in global politics and diplomacy.

提案: The answer addresses the question but is fragmented and hesitates ("umm"). Avoid fillers and join ideas into complete sentences. Provide a brief specific example of strengths or weaknesses for clarity. Use linking words (e.g., "however", "for example").

例: It depends on your major. For example, the university is stronger in arts and media—programs like multimedia, graphic design, and photojournalism have excellent facilities—however, other fields may have fewer resources.

提案: This response is positive and coherent but informal ("wanna", "number one") and a bit repetitive. Start with a clear topic sentence (Yes/No), avoid slang, and give one specific suggestion if you can’t identify major changes (e.g., more internship opportunities).

例: Not really — I think the university has a good reputation and prepares students well. If anything, I would like more internship partnerships with international organizations to help students gain practical experience.

提案: Good content and specific detail about Shanghai. Improve fluency by removing redundancy ("recently just") and using a firmer structure: state your plan then give supporting reasons and preferences. Use linking words ("therefore", "so") and indicate a clearer preference or criteria for choosing location.

例: I recently spent three weeks in Shanghai studying Chinese politics, so I want to broaden my regional knowledge. Therefore, I plan to pursue a master’s degree in either Asia or Europe, depending on program focus and scholarship opportunities.

× I am currently a student, but not for long because I expect to graduate by the end of this year, specifically on December.

✓ I am currently a student, but not for long because I expect to graduate by the end of this year, specifically in December.

Use of the preposition for months: 'in December' is correct for months. This is a future time expression; correct preposition is 'in' not 'on'. Suggestion: say 'in December' when referring to a month.

× My major is in International Affairs and I am on my third year.

✓ My major is International Affairs and I am in my third year.

Two issues: 'major is in' is unnecessary — we say 'my major is International Affairs' (adjective/noun complement). Second, preposition use: 'in my third year' is correct, not 'on my third year'. This is present tense description; use 'in' to indicate current year of study.

× It depends on your major. I would say that my specific university caters more to umm arts majors.

✓ It depends on your major. I would say that my university caters more to arts majors.

Redundant or informal 'specific' and filler 'umm' should be removed for clarity. This is sentence structure/word choice: simplifying yields correct meaning. Suggestion: omit unnecessary words and fillers.

× So multimedia, UMM, graphics, photo journalism.

✓ For example: multimedia, graphics, and photojournalism.

This fragment lacks a verb and is not a complete sentence. Also 'photo journalism' should be one word 'photojournalism' and list should use 'and' before last item. Convert fragment into a complete phrase or attach to previous sentence. Suggestion: provide as example phrase starting with 'For example' or include in previous sentence.

× Not necessarily number one 'cause I can't pinpoint what exactly I wanna change.

✓ Not necessarily; firstly, I can't pinpoint exactly what I want to change.

Colloquial 'wanna' should be 'want to' in formal speech. 'Number one' used colloquially is unclear — 'firstly' or 'not necessarily' plus a semicolon is clearer. Also word order: 'pinpoint exactly what' instead of 'what exactly' is acceptable both ways but reordering improves formality. Suggestion: avoid contractions and slang in formal responses.

× I think my university already has a good reputation and from my experience I think they produce really well-rounded students and professionals.

✓ I think my university already has a good reputation, and from my experience I think it produces really well-rounded students and professionals.

Pronoun reference: 'university' is singular, so use singular pronoun 'it' and singular verb 'produces'. This is a subject-verb agreement/present tense issue ensuring singular subject with singular verb. Suggestion: match pronoun and verb number to the noun.

× I recently just spent three weeks in Shanghai trying to learn about Chinese politics, so I am looking towards expanding that horizon.

✓ I recently spent three weeks in Shanghai trying to learn about Chinese politics, so I am looking to expand that horizon.

Redundant adverbs 'recently' and 'just' together — choose one. 'Looking towards expanding' is awkward; correct collocation is 'looking to expand' or 'looking toward expanding'. 'That horizon' is fine but 'expand that horizon' sounds better as 'expand my horizons' (plural). Suggestion: use 'I recently spent' and 'I am looking to expand my horizons.'

× I would maybe want to do my masters either in Asia or in Europe.

✓ I might want to do my master's either in Asia or in Europe.

'Would maybe want to' is awkward; use 'might' or 'may' for possibility. Also 'masters' needs apostrophe as possessive 'master's' (degree). Modal verb 'might' fits future intention/possibility. Suggestion: use 'I might do my master's' or 'I may want to pursue a master's degree.'